


Nexus

by MrsNea



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26103676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsNea/pseuds/MrsNea
Summary: Y/N is a pain in the ass according to Steve. She is brought on to missions sometimes by Fury when they need help, but she is wild and does not listen to orders. She does what she wants. Now Fury has given her a place in the Avengers. And Steve is not liking it. Having to deal with her every day. He hates her. Or does he? And what is Y/N relationship with Bucky? They seem to get closer and closer.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 122





	1. The Newest Member of the Avengers

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This takes place after Avengers: Endgame, but Steve never left. Tony and Nat are still alive.

Steve walks into the conference room, but when he sees who is sitting there with her boots on the table with her hair tumbling around her face and her lips painted dark red, all he wants to do is turn around and leave. He can’t be in the same room as her. But instead, he turned to Fury.  
“What is she doing here?” He asked and Fury just smiled at him. Y/N looked at him with a big smirk on her face, completly relaxed. Steve looked around the room and Bucky, Sam, Clint and Nats amused faces. Wanda was holding back a smile. It all made Steve huff. Still the only think Steve could think about was why did Y/N had to have red lips. She always had red lips. Tony comes into the room and he lights up when he sees Y/N.  
“Ah, there she is! The newest member of the Avengers,” Tony smiles big and goes over to Y/N. She takes her feet off the table and stands up. Tony pulls her into her arms and gives her a big hug. “Welcome to the family.” Tony realises her and Steve stands there looking with a dropped jaw.  
“Close that mouth, Captain,” Y/N winks at him. That makes him wake out of his surprise.  
“Why is she a new member?” Steve turns to Fury. Y/N rolls her eyes and sits down again.  
“She has skills that the team is missing,” Fury answers and Y/N sends a wink to him which makes him fight a smile.  
“No disrespect, Sir,” Steve runs a hand through his hair. “But we do not need her.” Y/N hides a laugh with a fake cough and Steve glares at her. The rest of the team are quiet and watching like it was a tv-show.  
“You could have fooled me, Captain,” Fury says and stands up. “These last five months Y/N has saved your asses over fifteen times, which tells me that you need her skills and her help.”  
“Burn,” Sam whispers to Bucky who hid a smirk with the help of his hand. Y/N winks at Sam and turns back her attention to Fury. Steve’s shoulders drop and he sits down.  
“If we have sorted that thing, let’s get down to business,” Fury hands Steve a file.  
“There is a mission in Italy.” Steve nodded as he skimmed the file. “I want Y/N, Clint and Nat to go undercover together.” Fury continued. Steve opened his mouth to complain but saw Fury’s pointed look and closed it again. It made Y/N smirk even more. 

This was going to be fun, you thought. Fury went over the mission and everyone listened, without interrupting. You tried to not smirk too much over Steve’s apparent annoyance over you joining the Avengers as well as going on an undercover mission your first week as a member. Fury detailed everything Nat, Clint and you needed to do. You were going use going undercover as a family on vacation to spy on some people as well as get into a nightclub. From there it was on you to get into the office of the boss of the nightclub and download every information that you could get.  
Being undercover was nothing new for you and pretending to be Clint’s sister would not be a hard job. Nat would pretend to be Clint’s wife and you were kind of happy that did not fall on you. Although it would have been interesting to see how Steve had handled it. Who was she kidding? Steve would not have cared. Because he did not care about her at all. She had to admit that his way of always staying away from her and when that did not work he was cold. That might be the wrong word, but it did not seem that he liked you very much. You still remember the first time you met him. It was many years ago and Steve had been out of the ice for a couple of months. You had literally walked into him at your grocery store. Smack into his hard chest. 

_You had just gotten back from a mission in Russia and you were hungry. In your kitchen there was nothing to eat, everything had gone bad while you were gone. You found an energy bar that you devoured and since you felt like cooking something and not ordering anything you went to the closest grocery store, but first you made sure that your red lipstick was still in place and hadn’t gotten smushed along the way. Taking a basket when you walked into the grocery store you scan the aisles until you find the one you were looking for. You needed pasta. No need was the wrong word, you craved it. Had dreamt about pasta and your grandmother’s pasta sauce when you had been walking around in the ice-cold Russian forest with snow up to your knees. So that was what you were cooking. If you had more time you might even do your own fresh pasta from scratch, but now bought pasta would have to do. After picking a box of spaghetti you walked around the corner to get tomatoes and ran smack into a hard chest. A hand gripped on your arm and held you steady. It saved you from landing on your ass on the floor.  
“I am sorry I did not look where I was going,” you said and looked up into the bluest eyes you had ever seen. The man smiled and you felt your heart beat faster. He was ridiculously handsome and had blue, blue eyes.  
“It’s okay,” the man smiled and neither of you seemed to notice that you were still pressed up against him. You just gazed up in his face and thoes blue eyes. Wow. You could have stood there for the rest of your life looking into his eyes and feeling his warm hand on your arm. Someone clears their throat behind you, the man drops his hand from you and you turn around. There stood Sharon Carter and she was not happy to see you apparently. Fuck, was the man her boyfriend. You turn around to the man again, and this time you see just who it was. Steve fucking Rodgers. Just your luck. You quickly make yourself scarce after apologizing to the man again. After picking the last things you needed to do the pasta sauce you walk to the register. There you see Steve talking with Sharon. He looks over her shoulder and when he sees you he gives you a panty-dropping smile that makes you feel warmer than if you were in the tropics. You smile back and wink at him before you turn to the shelf with chocolate and pick up a few of your favourites. After that meeting with Steve, you really needed it. _

Little did you know at the time, that Steve had moved into the apartment building opposite to yours and that you would meet him many more times. It did not help you to not think about him when you saw and meet him so many times a week. The first few months there had been a lot of flirting between the two of you on your side and a lot of blushing on his side. But then everything had changed and now he avoided you as much as he could. It was something that you needed to fix because now you were going to be working together. Problems between the two of you could affect missions and put lives on the stake.  
When the meeting was over Steve jumped out of his set and walked out of the door without a single word. You stayed back a bit and talked with Fury and Maria. They both knew about Steve’s behaviour, but you got a feeling they knew more than you. Fury told you to play nice with Steve and Maria told you to give him hell. You were planning on doing a bit of both. 

Bucky walked after Steve and was not surprised when his friend walked into his room. Bucky just opened the closed door and walked inside.  
“Why do you hate Y/N so much?” Bucky smirked at Steve who sat on his bed.  
“I don’t hate her. She is just a pain in the ass,” Steve grumbled.  
“Why?” Bucky asked with his eyebrows raised.  
“She is reckless, she does not take orders and she has a bad attitude,” Steve listed up.  
“You mean she is like you,” Bucky countered.  
“We are nothing alike,” Steve glared at Bucky, who just laughs. “I mean it,” Steve says.  
“You jump out of a plane without a parachute, you are always first into a fight. We both know you have problems with taking orders from people and that you usually go against them. And about the attitude… Just look at you sulking like a five-year-old in your room because YN has joined the team.” Steve started to mutter under his breath and looking kind of pissed. Bucky laughed and paused.  
“Just one question? Are you mad that she has joined the team without you having a say or because you are still embarrassed that she has saved our asses a couple of times?” With that Bucky leaves Steve’s room with a big smile on his face. Bucky knew that it would be a couple of interesting weeks, if not months ahead of the team.


	2. Part 2: Secrets and Friends

The mission with Nat and Clint went well. Nat and Clint had pretended to be married, something they were good at pretending and you had been Clint’s sister. After getting the intel you had set out to get, it was time to get back to the states. You missed your apartment but had a feeling you were not going to spend a whole lot of time there now that you were a part of the Avengers. Clint had warned you that Fury and Tony would think it was best that you moved to the compound with the rest of the team. You knew that this was both a good and a bad idea. Living closer to Steve might not be the best idea, but maybe you would finally find out what had made him start avoiding you. And living at the compound would make it easier to train and go on missions with the team. But you promised yourself that until Tony or Fury asked you to move to the compound you would stay in your apartment in Brooklyn and commute. The thought of not living in the apartment also gave you a pang of pain in your chest. You’ve been living there since your grandmother died and left you the apartment. It was like a part of her and your grandfather was still in the apartment, mostly your grandmother. She has been a big part of your life and you missed her everyday. 

Back at the compound you are tired and decided to take up an offer from Tony to use one of the empty rooms to sleep, before you go back to your Brooklyn apartment. Nat shows you the way and in the corridor, the two of you meet Steve and Bucky. You greet and Steve turns to Nat.  
“How did the mission go?” Steve asks her, not looking at you at all. You roll your eyes and Bucky smirks at you.  
“It went well,” Nat tried to hold a smile back. She had obviously seen your eye roll.  
“The mission report will be on your desk tomorrow, Captain,” You smiled sweetly at Steve and Bucky had to clear his throat not to laugh. Steve looked at you and nodded. Without a word Steve walked away from you and Bucky followed him after saying goodbye. You walk after them and until they are out of sight. When you turn around Nat is looking at you with her head tilted light to the left side.   
“Do you not think it’s time you tell him the truth?” Nat asked and nodded in the direction that Steve and Bucky went. You should not be surprised that Nat knew your secret, not really. She was one of the greatest spies in the world. So if someone was to find out you should have known it would be her, but still it took you by surprise. You had thought it would take longer for people who did not already know to figure it out.   
“I can’t,” you whispered. “I need more time.” Nat nodded and put a hand on your shoulder.   
“I don’t think you have anything to be afraid of,” Nat smiled at you and you nodded. She left you standing there alone looking after her. Your secret would soon be out, not that you thought that Nat would tell everybody. But it was getting closer to the time you needed to tell him. Tell them all. You took a deep breath. All you needed was a couple more days and you hoped that you would get it 

~* ~*~* ~*~

The next couple of days are spent training with Nat and Clint. It was nice with some down time, and getting to know the rest of the team. Because training with Nat and Clint meant that sometimes Wanda was there, or Bucky and Sam. It was nice and fun. But Steve was never there. When you asked Bucky about Steve he just shrugged and told you that Steve was busy with paperwork. You tried to ignore the nagging feeling inside you that Steve was using the paperwork as an excuse not to be around you.   
After a few more days you had enough. Steve was supposed to be the team captain, but so far he had not trained with you once. In fact you haven’t seen him since you got back from the mission almost a week ago. You walk to Steve’s office and when you are standing outside his door, you feel foolish. Maybe he was not ignoring you. Bucky could be right that he had a lot of paperwork. Although if that was the case, maybe you could help him with it so he could get some down time. The door to Steve’s office is open and you can see him looking over a file on his desk.   
“Damn it Y/N” you hear Steve sighed. It made you smile. You walked into Steve’s office without knocking.  
“Thinking about me much?” You asked and winked at Steve when he looked up.   
“I don’t think about you at all,” Steve looked down at the papers in his hand.  
“Don’t lie to me Steve. I heard you,” you explain and tilt your head.  
“You have not filled out your mission report correctly,” Steve countered. “That was why I was cursing your name.”  
“It sounded more like you were moaning it,” You tease and see Steve’s cheeks heat up.  
“I do feel like that for you,” Steve looks tense and looks down on his papers again.   
“It’s okay if you don’t like me,” you kept your eyes on him and saw him look up. “Not everyone has great taste.” you smirked at him and turned around. Sam and Bucky were standing behind you and they had heard it all. Sam’s mouth was partially opened so when you walked past you put your hand on his chin to close his mouth. Bucky smiled at you and you walked out of the room. It may not have been the conversation you wanted with Steve, but it felt like it was kind of telling, seeing as all the paperwork had been stacked on his desk. It suggested that what Bucky had said was true. 

Steve looked at his friends standing in the door opening looking smug.   
“What?” He asked. Bucky shook his head, but Sam could not keep anything in.  
“You like her!” Sam blurted out.   
“No,” Steve said fast.   
“I think you protest to much,” Sam smirks. “Don’t you think Bucky?”   
“I don’t really know,” Bucky shrugs. “Maybe he really don’t like her.”  
“See,” Steve points a finger at Bucky.  
“But in that case she is right,” Bucky’s face goes into a lazy smile. “Not everyone has great taste.” Steve sighs.   
“She is a member of the team and that is all,” Steve moves over a file to a pile on the desk and opens the next.   
“If you say so,” Sam looks over at Bucky and mouths: “He is wrong.”  
“Did you want anything?” Steve asks and looks up at is friends.  
“We wanted to see if you wanted to train with us,” Bucky holds back a laugh at Sam’s comment.  
“Give me half an hour and meet me in the gym,” Steve points at the papers. “I just needs to finish this.” Bucky and Sam left Steve alone with his paperwork.  
“How long do you think it takes before he understands that he has feelings for Y/N?” Sam wondered.   
“The faster, the better,” Bucky looked back at his friends office door.  
“Want to place a bet?” Sam smirked.  
“No, knowing Steve it could take a long time,” Bucky shook his head. “He has never been a ladies man, and seeing as Y/N is different then anything Steve has met before I think it’s best to wait and see.” Sam nodes and they walk to the gym to warm up. 

You were running on the treadmill when Tony walked into the gym. He walks directly over to you and pulls the headphones from your ears.  
“I was just talking to Fury,” Tony smiles at you. “You are moving into the compound today.”  
“Just like that,” you smirk while running. “You are moving in.”  
“Yeah,” Tony winks at you.  
“It does not matter what I want,” You push a button and decrease the treadmill to walking speed.   
“Nope,” Tony plops the p.   
“Well, then I think I need to go home and pack,” You get off the treadmill.  
“Just like that?” Tony smirks at you and hands you your water bottle.   
“Yes,” You drink a sip of the water. “Bosses order.” You smile.  
“What is happening?” Clint walks over to the two of you, clearly curious.  
“Y/N is moving in!” Tony yells out just at the same time as Steve walks into the gym. He stops in the door and the look on his face is priceless. It looks like he has been hit in the balls. The rest of the team come over and everyone starts talking in each other’s mouths. Bucky puts his arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer to his body.  
“This means we can work out together every day,” He beams down at you. You see Steve glare at the two of you but ignore it. He clearly was not happy that you were moving in.  
“I can help you pack,” Wanda offers.  
“And Sam and I can help carrying furniture,” Bucky looks at Sam who nods.   
“I can have movers at your place in an hour,” Tony offers.   
“Guys,” you hold up your hands. “Slow down. I am not moving everything here. I am keeping my apartment, if only to use it as a place I can be alone when I have free time.” Bucky’s shoulders slump a bit.  
“The apartment is important to me and I can’t get rid of it,” You explain and put your arm around Bucky’s body. “But I am moving here. It just means I will have to buy some new furniture.” Tony rolls his eyes and takes out a black card out of his pocket.  
“Go wild, Kid,” he smiles and gives him a kiss on his cheek.   
“Thank you, Tony,” you say and look sound at your friends. No, scratch that. Your family. The Avengers were so much more than a team. They had all, except Steve, made you feel welcome and part of the family.   
“We can help you with shopping,” Wanda pointed at Nat and herself. You nodded.   
“Let’s go,” Nat said and took your hand. She dragged you out of the gym and Wanda followed behind.   
“I need to shower first,” You pointed down at your body.   
“Then let’s shower and then get a move on,” Wanda laughs and together you walk to the changing rooms. 

The next couple of hours goes by fast. Wanda and Nat drag you around furniture store after furniture store getting everything that you could possibly need. As well as some clothes stores. They told you that Tony would not mind. Then they dropped you off at your apartment with a a lot of cartons to pack up what you needed from there. They were going to go back to the compound and meet the deliveries and start setting up your room. It was decided that Sam and Bucky would come to you later that afternoon and get you and the things you had packed. 

When you walked into your apartment you looked around and started to mentaly think of what you needed to pack. On the walls there were a lot of pictures of your family, of happy memories. Some of those needed to move with you, others could stay. The first thing you did was go into your bedroom and take out an old wooden box you keep in your bookshelf. You open the lid and looks down on some of your favorite pictures. Old pictures from when your grandmother was young as well as pictures from your childhood. You lift out a picture of your parents wedding and run a finger along your mother’s dress. A tear is tickling down your face and you let it be. You missed your parents and grandparents terribly. A missing that never seemed to pass. You closed the lid again and walked out to put it on the sofa, this box needed to come with you. After that you plocked down the pictures from the walls that you needed with you and put them down in a box. 

A couple of hours later you looked around your apartment again. There were five boxes with can’t live without things. Two big suitcases with clothes. One box with shoes. A duffel bag with your weapons. A box of books. There was a knock on the door.  
“Just in time,” You say as you open the door, but you were not expecting to see Steve on the other side of the door together with Sam and Bucky. He had his hands shoved down in his jeans pockets and he had a pinched expression on his face which was looking down on the floor.   
“Happy to help, Doll,” Bucky smiled and walked into the apartment.   
“Yes,” Sam smiled bright and pushed Steve in the arm.  
“What they said,” Steve grumbled and walked into the apartment after Sam.   
“This is less than I thought,” Bucky says and takes the boxes directly.   
“I am just taking the most important things,” You say and together you start packing in the things in the car they guys came with. After a few trips all that is left is the duffel bag with your weapons and the old wooden box with all your pictures. Steve goes to pick up the box, but you stop him.   
“Please, don’t touch that,” You plead. It makes Steve stop and turn back to you with raised eyebrows. It gives you the time to go there and take it yourself. Bucky takes your duffel bag with weapons. You can feel Steve eyes on you as you hold the box tight, but you did not want anyone to look inside the box.   
“Let’s get out of here,” Bucky says and you nod. After locking up and walking down to the car, Sam tries to get you to put the box down. But you insist on holding it in your lap during the drive. Bucky sits in the back with you and Sam drives. 

Back at the compound Wanda, Nat and Clint come out and help with the boxes and you walk to your new room. It was beside Wanda and bigger than your apartment in Brooklyn. You stop in the doorway.  
“Wow,” was all you could get out. Wanda, Nat and Clint had assembled the furniture and put everything in place. “Thank you guys.” You turn to them.“Thank you for all your help.”  
“We are not done yet,” Wanda smiles and puts down the box she was carrying on the floor. “We will help you unpack.” Wanda walks over to the wooden box you had placed on the bed.  
“No,” you almost yelled. Everyone looks at you. “I would appreciate it if I could do the unpacking myself.” You bite your lips. Everyone tells you it’s fine, but you can see Steve watching the box on the bed. He walks a bit closer, when Bucky takes his arm to get his attention.  
“How about I order pizza and we can eat together in an hour?” Clint asks and everyone agrees that it’s a good idea. They all leave your room and Wanda tells you that she would be by to get you when the pizza arrived. You walked over to the bed and sat down with a sigh. You stroke a hand over the wooden box. It needed a secure place so that people would not feel inclined to open it, without permission.

Steve looked at Y/N door and tried to understand why there had been some kind of pull for him to open the wooden box. It was obvious that she was hiding something in that box. Something that she did not want anyone to see. But what could it be?   
“Are you coming?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded.  
“What do you think is in the wooden box?” Steve asked, not geting Y/n slightly panic expression out of his head when he almost lifted it.  
“I don’t know,” Bucky looked at his friend. “Maybe it’s her diaries. Or something other that she want’s to keep private.”  
“Hmm.” Steve hummed.   
“I think you should leave it alone, Steve,” Bucky had a bit of an edge to his voice. “If she doesn’t want anyone to know what’s in it, then let’s keep it that way.” Steve nodded, but he was still wondering. 

~* ~*~* ~*~

The next day you take Bucky up on the suggestion to train together and you are sparring when Fury and Maria called an emergency team meeting. The two of you were still sweaty when you walked into the conference room. Bucky had his left arm around your shoulder. The arm was a bit cold against your skin, but you did not mind at all. You don’t see Steve’s face when you walk into the room, but Nat and Clint were behind you, they saw and it made them smirk at each other. Tony comes into the room last and he winks at you when he sees Bucky sitting next to you. You twist some in your chair and Bucky places a hand on your arm. When you look at him, it’s like his eyes are asking you if everything is alright. You nod and he turns his attention to Fury.  
“There are some rumors going around that Hydra has set up a secret base in New York,” Fury says and Maria hands Steve and Tony a file each. “The team needs to find out if this is true.” Steve read through the file fast and turned to Tony.  
“Tony start hacking, Peter look what you can find out on your patrolls,” Steve said and you cleared your throat.  
“I can help,” you say and Steve makes a sound before he stands up.  
“I don’t think we will need your help,” Steve does not even look at you. “Between Tony’s hacking skills to Peter’s ability to get across town quickly and then adding Nat and Clint’s undercover skills we have all the people we need on this mission.” You roll your eyes at this and Tony suppresses a laugh with a cough. Not really stealthy. Steve snaps his eyes to you.  
“I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes too loud?” You ask with a sweet voice.   
“Agent Y/L/N, we will not need you for this,” Steve goes full Captain on you.   
“I have a waste net of friends around the city,” You look at Fury. “I am sure they are happy to help in case they have seen something.”  
“Captain, I invited Y/N to the team because of her value and knowledge,” Fury stood up as well. “I suggest you use it.” With those words he and Maria left the conference room. You picked up your phone and sent a quick text to one of your friends to set up a meet up. Steve was glaring at you, but you just winked at him. Your phone plunged. It was your friend that gave you a time and place to meet.   
“I have a meet up,” You held up your phone and turned to your right. “Bucky, care to join me?”   
“Yes,” Bucky smiled at you.   
“I am coming with you,” Steve crossed his arm. You rolled your eyes again and this time Bucky gave you a small shove.   
“Fine,” you shrugged. “Meeting is tonight at 9. Meet me in the garage at 8:15.” Steve and Bucky nodded and you left the conference room. 

Steve was waiting in the garage by 8. He did not want Y/N to slip past him and go to the meeting on her own. Or just with Bucky. He did not put it past her. Bucky came down a couple of minutes later and he was whistling some tune. Steve recognized it, but could not place it.  
“What are you whistling?” Steve asked. Bucky smiled a big grin.  
“A song that Y/N played for me,” Bucky answered and took out his phone out of his pocket. He opens the app that Steve recognizes as some kind of streaming service that Tony set up for the team. Bucky pressed a playlist that said Y/N favorites and pressed a song called “Drink to That All Night” by Jerrod Niemann. When the tune started Steve recognized it as one of the songs he had seen Y/N dancing to in the kitchen one early morning when she came in for her morning workout at the gym. He had been standing there watching her dance around laughing and being happy. It was like he was watching a different person then the Y/N he knew, or more like the woman he had met so many years ago in the grocery store. Before he found out that not only was she living in the house opposite to him, but she was also an S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent.   
Bucky leaned against one of the SUV:s in the garage. YN walks into the garage. Yet again her lips were painted red and she was dressed all in black.   
“Scared I might go without you?” she asked and tilted her head.   
“Yes,” Steve answered. There was no point in lying to her.   
“I promised that you could come with me,” she lifted one brow. “I keep my promises.” She walked over to the SUV that Bucky was leaning against and hopped into the driver’s seat.   
“Are you coming or what?” She gestured to the car.   
“Isn’t it better that I drive?” Steve wondered as Bucky took the seat beside Y/N.   
“You don’t know where we are going,” Y/N fastened her seatbelt and adjusted the seat. “So, no.” Steve took the seat behind Bucky and off they went. He tried to keep up with where they were going, but at what feels like the hundred turn, he was lost. When Y/N parked the car, Steve looked out and could not see anything that he recognized. But he had an inkling to where they were. Bucky looked at ease and relaxed. Steve just shook his head and got ready to meet whoever Y/N’s friend was. 

After you parked the car you walked out and started towards an alley a bit down the street. Bucky and Steve were following you, not saying a word. You knew that Steve was curious of who the three of you were meeting since you had not said a word during the drive here. You walked into the ally and the guys followed you.   
“Did you bring us here to die?” Steve lifted a brow and looked around the dark alley in Hell’s Kitchen.   
“Obviously,” You sass at him and lean against the wall. Bucky follows your lead and leans against the wall opposite you. Steve is standing in the middle of the ally. Looking ready for a fight.   
“I really can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not,” Steve huffs and narrows his eyes at you.   
“Relax Captain, I promised Fury to be on my best behaviour and that means not killing his favourite golden boy and his one-armed friend,” you wink at Bucky who just covers up a laugh with a cough. You knew he took no offence with your messing with him. Bucky had told you once that he liked how you did not treat him differently. The last thing you would want to do is make Bucky uncomfortable or hurt him.   
“Hey there beautiful,” a gravelly voice says from the shadows to your left side, deeper into the alley. “You did not say you were bringing company.”

~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~ *~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~


	3. Vigilantes and History

Daredevil steps out of the shadows.  
“You are friends with the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen?” Steve brows knitted together.   
“Well, yeah,” You shrugged and walked over to Matt. “Hey Red. I brought company because my Captain does not trust me.” You tossed your hair in Steve’s direction and then you and Matt hugged. In the hug you whispered something in his ear. Matt looked over at the two men and smiled.   
“The two of you do not need any introduction,” Matt looked at Steve and Bucky.   
“Neither do you,” Steve states and crosses his arms. Matt looks over at you and you shrug.   
“Steve and Bucky, this is my good friend Red,” you say anyway. They say hello to each other.   
“So Y/N, why did you want this meeting? Seeing as it’s not to catch up,” Matt asks looking at you.   
“There is some talk about Hydra setting up a secret base in New York,” you explain. “I was wondering if you had heard or seen anything?”   
“I have not heard about anything strange,” Matt answers and you nod.   
“Have you seen anything strange then?” Steve asked and Mat and you started to laugh. Steve’s eyebrows pulled together and he went more rigid in his body. He had no idea that Matt was blind.  
“No,” Matt gets out. “I have not seen anything strange. But I can check with the others.”   
“Yes, please,” You smile at him. “I am reachable on my phone.”  
“Who are the others?” Steve wondered walking a bit closer to Matt and you.   
“Other friends around the city,” you lift a shoulder.   
“You mean other vigilantes,” Steve grumbles. Bucky smirks and shakes his head slightly.   
“Well, yes,” You smile.   
“Who do you know?” Bucky lifts his brows.  
“It’s more a thing of who don’t I know,” You wink at Bucky. Matt’s eyes sparkle as he looks at your face.   
“Do you know Deadpool?” Bucky leans closer to you.   
“Of course I know Merc with a Mouth,” You giggle. “We have done some missions together.”   
“Does that mean you know the X-Men as well?” Bucky had trouble standing still now.  
“Yeah,” you look at your nails.   
“She knows every hero in at least a 1000 miles radius,” Matt nods at your direction. “And she is one of the reasons that we got the Kingpin of the streets.”  
“Now I am working on closing down Hydra for good,” You try to keep your face neutral, but Steve’s eyes are on you and they narrow. You fake kick someone’s ass in the air. Matt shakes his head and Bucky chuckles. Steve looks serious.  
“Hydra is not something to play with. I think maybe you are in over your head here, Y/N” Steve urge her and this time Bucky shakes his head more.   
“Don’t underestimate her,” Matt warns Steve.   
“No, please do, that would be fun,” You tilt your head and observe Steve. He opens his mouth and then closes it again.   
“Brainwashed Soldier, what do you think?” you look at Bucky and he smiles at you.  
“I am sure you can take care of yourself,” Bucky smirks. “I mean you are a grown woman that is trained by some of the best spies in the world.” Steve glares at Bucky, who only smiles at his friend and shrugs. Matt laughs then he stops quickly.  
“I need to go Y/N,” he says and tilts his head slightly to the left. “I will keep in touch.” And with that he disappears into the shadows.   
“I like your friend,” Bucky says and puts his left arm over your shoulder. You start walking back to the car. Steve quietly walked behind the two of you. It was obvious that Steve wanted to say something, but he did not. Maybe he wanted to talk to Bucky alone? 

On the drive back from the meeting Steve was quiet, but you did not care. Bucky entertained you with stories about the two of them growing up in Brooklyn.  
“Do you miss it?” you asked Bucky when he was quiet for a while.  
“Yes and no,” Bucky answers. “I miss my family, but I am not the same man. And modern times have a lot of advantages.”  
“Have you tried looking for family members that might be alive?” you keep your eyes on the road, even though you wanted to see Bucky’s face. He sighs.  
“No,” Bucky looks to the side window.   
“Why not?” You ask and Steve clears his throat.  
“I think we should talk about something else,” Steve says with a firm voice. Bucky does not say another word. He just looks out the side window.  
“What do you want to talk about Captain?” you wonder and look in the rear-view mirror and meet Steve’s angry eyes. “Have you looked into if you have any family members left?”  
“No,” Steve looks away, then back. “I only looked Peggy up.”  
“Peggy, the love of your life?” you wonder what he would admit to.  
“I don’t think you can call her the love of my life,” Steve scratched the back of his neck.  
“Specially not when he had a short relationship with Sharon, her niece,” Bucky grumbles and Steve looks even more pissed and a bit red in the face.   
“That almost sounds like incest,” you shudder. Bucky just chuckles and Steve presses his lips to a line.  
“I figure you want to change the subject again,” you muse and look at Bucky. He was looking out the window again. “What do you want to talk about instead?”  
“I don’t know,” Steve huffs. “Maybe how you can know so many vigilantes?”  
“That is a great question,” Bucky agrees, but he still looks to be somewhere else in his mind.  
“It’s kind of complicated,” You sigh.  
“That sounds like an excuse not to talk about it,” Steve says leaning forward slightly in his seat.  
“No, it’s not. It is complicated,” you counter getting a bit pissed at Steve. “But I can give you the cliff notes of the whole story. I grew up in a loving family as the only child.”  
“Spoiled,” Steve muttered but you ignored him.  
“My parents both were in the army, so we moved all over the US,” you continue while keeping your eyes ahead. “When both my parents were away on assignment I would stay in Brooklyn with my grandparents. Then my mother was killed while on a mission when I was 14 years old.” You could hear a small gasp from Bucky. “My father was devastated and was honorably discharged from the army to raise me. We moved to Brooklyn and I got to have a normal childhood for a while. Or if you can call it childhood when you are in your teens. My father started working security for some company here in New York. Sometimes I stayed with my grandparents when he was away on missions.” Steve is almost leaning in between the two seats in the front. You turn left and can see the compound in the distance. “When I was 17 he was killed in New York, while on his way back from an assignment. I moved in with my grandparents. I had my suspicions that my father’s death was a hit so I started investigating.” The guard by the gates opened them so you could drive through. “While doing my investigations my grandfather died. I got more out of control dealing with not only one loss but two. My grandmother did the best she could, but I kind of went off the rails. I met Red one night I was out looking for information about my father’s death. He helped me and through him I met other people that have become my friends. Then when I became 19 Coulson came across me on a mission and he recruited me to join S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury had already had his eyes on me so he was fine with it. I was also the official liaison between S.H.I.E.L.D and other heroes that worked alone.” With that you parked the car and got out of it. Steve and Bucky were still sitting in the car. Then they notice that you had parked and got out quick.  
“That was the cliff notes,” you started to walk away  
“Did you ever find out what happened with your father?” Bucky asked when he came up next to you.  
“Yeah,” you answered and did a small shudder. Bucky draped his arm over your shoulders. “But that’s a story for another day.” You gave him a small smile.   
“Why not now?” Steve wondered.  
“Why should I share all of my life’s story and greatest tragedies with you when you won’t talk about anything real about your life with me?” you snapped. You were exhausted after telling the story and just wanted to go to bed. It still hurt to talk about your parents. The grief had never gone away, but it had gotten easier with time and it was a kind of feeling you did not mind carrying. You hurried your steps and left the two of them standing behind. All you wanted was to be alone.

Steve looked after Y/N. She had been honest and open with them. He knew there was so much more to her story then what she had told them, but the pain in her face had been raw.   
Bucky started to go after her, but Steve catches his arm.  
“Let her be for now,” Steve got out. Bucky looked after Y/N disappearing form and back at his friend.   
“She is hurting,” Bucky mumbled. “I’ve never seen that before.”  
“Neither have I,” Steve admitted.   
“She is right,” Bucky looked at Steve. “We never told her anything real and she was honest.”  
“I have a feeling she let some things out of her story,” Steve drags a hand through his hair.   
“She said she was giving us the cliff notes,” Bucky started to walk in the direction of his room. “That means that she would not give all the information.” Steve walked beside him and nodded.

The next morning you feel a bit weird when you walk over to Bucky’s room. The way you had parted with Bucky and Steve the night before was kind of embarrassing. Running away like a mad child, but you had done it and there was no taking back. You knock on Bucky’s door.  
Bucky opens the door standing there in only a pair of grey sweatpants and you smiled at him.   
“Good morning, Brainwashed Cyborg,” you wink at him and he chuckles. It was nice to hear it and you relax some.   
“Good morning, Doll,” Bucky smiled at you. It spread warmth through your body.   
“Want to train together?” You tilted your head to the side biting your lip slightly.   
“Yes,” Bucky nodded. “Give me ten minutes.” You nodded.  
“See you in the gym in ten minutes,” You smirked. “And be ready for some ass kicking.”Bucky just laughed and closed the door. You started to walk towards the gym, when you heard someone come up behind you fast.  
Steve pushed you up against a wall hard.   
“Getting rough with me, Captain. I like it,” you said and smirked. You leaned closer to his ear. “Just so you know my safe-word is Vanilla.”   
“You really should not talk to Bucky like that,” Steve almost growled at you.   
“Like what?” you ask with a sweet voice.   
“Like.. like.. He’s anybody else,” Steve gets out. You roll your eyes. “And you make fun of his arms and his past.”   
“Do you really think walking on eggshells around Bucky will help him feel like anything other than a monster?” You tilt your head to the side.   
“Ah…” Steve’s brows slip up. “I just don’t think what you are doing is right.”  
“As long as Bucky doesn’t tell me to stop,” you leaned in closer so you could feel his breath on your lips. “Then I don’t give a shit what you say.” You slink under Steve’s arms and walk away. 

While Steve stood there watching Y/N walk away Bucky opened his door and leaned against the doorway. The smirk on Bucky’s face made it clear that he had heard every word.  
“Don’t say a word,” Steve grumbled and stalked away. All Steve could think about was that he had almost kissed her. He wanted to kiss her. Why?  
“I don’t think I needed to say a word,” Bucky yelled after Steve and then shocked his head. Bucky did not mind the way Y/N talked and teased him. It made him feel like he was like everyone else. Or at least as close that he could come. She did not treat him with kid gloves. And they always had fun together. She had a way to get him to laugh more than he has done since the 40’s. He went back into his room to get ready to go to the gym. He also liked how she could handle herself sparring with him. In fact she got more shots in on him than Nat ever did when he sparred with her. So when she said that she would kick his ass, he knew that she was not lying. She would be close to doing that. He laughed and left his room. Ready to meet Y/N. 

You sat in the bed in your room a few days later and knew it was time to tell him. No, them. You needed to tell them. You could not keep this secret anymore and you did not want to. Your wood box stood open and the content layed on your bed before you. Pictures from your childhood laid in a pill with a pink ribbon around it. Then there were a whole lot of old pictures that lay spread before you. Pictures your grandmother had saved. Pictures Peggy and Howard had given her. Pictures of the past. There were also letters tied together with an old blue ribbon to your left. A notebook full of sketches laid beside it. Two tickets to the Stark Expo back 1943. A pair of old dog tags. You lifted one of the pictures and looked down on the younger faces of Steve and Bucky together. Another picture was of Steve and his parents. As well as a picture of Bucky and his mother.   
You wanted them to know. Know your secret. A secret you’ve been keeping forever. You would start by telling one person first. Even if it was scary to tell him and to see his reaction, it was time. Maybe he would be mad. Maybe he would want nothing to do with you. Maybe he would be happy. Maybe.. There were a lot of maybe’s. You left your room and went to the gym. It was empty. You went to the kitchen next. Clint sat at the counter with a big coffee cup in front of him, but other than that it was empty. You walk to Steve’s office, but surprisingly it’s empty. On a hunch you walk to the library and that is where you find him. Sitting in one of the big chairs reading a book. You walk in and he looks up at you. “Can we talk?” You asked fiddling with your fingers and having a hard time looking him in the eyes.


	4. Part 4: Sharing and Uncovering

Bucky looked up at you and smiled.   
“Yeah, sit down,” Bucky makes a gesture to the armchair opposite to him.   
“I don’t really know how to say this, other than just to say it,” you looked down on your lap. You played with one of the rings on your finger. A ring you had inherited after your grandmother. A ring you always put on when you needed an extra boast of confidence.  
“Y/N, just say it,” Bucky leans forward. You look up into his eyes and tell him. Everything. He sits there quietly almost frozen, just listening to you. It all came rushing out of you. Then you stopped talking and Bucky blinks two times. He stands up quickly and you think that he is going to leave you there alone. Your bottom lips start to tremble and that is when it happens. Bucky laughs and picks you up. He spins you around and around. You relax and it comes out as laughter as well. Bucky let’s you down and hugs you close. You hug him back. He is warm and somehow feels safe. Like coming home. And in that moment you were happier than you have been for a long long time. Since before you lost your grandmother. The whole inside your heart started to heal and the lost feeling you had been fighting against the last couple of years disappeared. Maybe life could be happy again. Truly happy.

Steve heard Y/N’s voice talking brisk coming from the library and then it just got quiet. He walked into the library to see what was going on. Just as he stepped into the room he saw Bucky laugh and pick Y/N up and spun her around and around. Y/N laughed as well and held on to Bucky. Something burned inside Steve’s chest, but he could not place it. Bucky let Y/N down on her feet again and hugged her close. It was too much for Steve to look so he turned around and walked down the hallway to his room.   
Bucky and Y/N. It felt wrong somehow. And it all gave him a dull ache in his chest. He had no idea why. He tried to wrap his head about it. It could be because he could not get a grip of Y/N. She was hiding something and at that moment Steve decided that he would get to the bottom of it. Bucky could be falling in love with a woman that was no good for him and in that case Steve needed to put a stop to it. He needed to think how to do that. Steve walked into his room and sat down by his desk. The sketchbook was still open on the picture of Y/N he had been working on the last two days. It was Y/N smiling face. Steve tore the sketch out and crumpled up the paper before he tossed it into his wastebasket. The sketch behind that was one of Y/N as well and when Steve looked through the book he was that most was of her. He sighed and tossed the whole book in the trash. There, he thought. Now she was gone. 

Bucky and you sat in the library talking for hours. About everything and anything. The whole time he was touching you. He held your hand, he touched your hair, he hugged you. It was as he needed the contact. When you started to yawn every other second he insisted that it was time for you to go to bed. He walked you to your door and gave you a big hug and kissed your forehead.  
“Good night, Bucky,” you smiled a sleepy smile.  
“Good night, sweetheart,” Bucky’s smile was almost blinding. You closed the door and saw all the things you left on your bed. Even though you were really tired you still took the time to carefully put everything back in your wooden box. This was not something you could be careless with, since it was some of the most important things in your life. When it all was put away you laid down on your bed still fully dressed and fell asleep directly. 

The next morning you were woken early by a phone call. When you tried to get the phone from your nightstand both you and the phone ended up on the floor.   
“Hey, Baby Girl,” a voice says on the other end. “Miss me?” You smile.  
“Yes,” you answered and brushed the hair out of your face. “I am not even angry that you woke me up this early, Logan” There is a deep chuckle on the other side of the line.  
“I heard through the grapevine that you might have some trouble in the City.” This made you sit up.  
“What do you know?” you wondered.   
“Charles got some information from some of our friends living in the city,” Logan answered. “And he asked me to pass it along to you.”   
“Tell me,” you leaned your back against the bed. Logan told you about a place in one of Queens industrial areas that seems to be a headquarter for Hydra. You listen to him talk and ask some questions here and there. When he had finished you thanked him. There was a knock on the door.  
“Hold on Logan,” you said and told whoever was knocking to come in. Bucky walked into your room carrying two cups of coffee. You made a gesture that you were on the phone.  
“Is there anything more I need to know?” you asked and you could hear Logan sigh on the other side.  
“Just let me know if you need any help, Baby Girl and I will be there as fast as I can” Logan almost sounded concerned. It made you blush.  
“You know I will,” you answered. “Talk to you soon.” Bucky handed you one of the cups when you placed your phone on the nightstand again, then he sat down next to you.  
“One of your friends,” Bucky nodded to your phone.  
“Yeah,” you take a sip of the coffee and sigh.  
“Someone who has been more than a friend?” Bucky’s blue eyes searching your face and you blush.  
“No,” you answer. “This feels so wrong talking to you about.”  
Bucky took your left hand in his. He played with one of the rings on your hand and it did strangely relax you.  
“For a while, I think, we both kind of hoped there could be more between us. But something always came in the way for us to give it a try.” You take another sip. “Now we are just good friends.” Bucky hmmed. “He called because he had information for us.”   
“Who is he?” Bucky asks and you take another sip of the coffee to figure out who you should answer that.  
“He is one of the members of the X-men,” you look over at Bucky.   
“And you were never a couple?” Bucky asks and you shake your head. Bucky kisses your forehead.   
“This was not what you came in here to talk about,” you lay your head on Bucky’s shoulder.  
“No,” Bucky agrees and looks down on his hands. “Can we keep this,” he makes a gesture between the two of you. “Between us for now?” Bucky is fiddling with your ring again. “It” he sighs. “It’s just very new to me.”  
“New for both of us,” You corrected and placed a hand on his arm. “We need to find a way to balance this new dynamic and find out way to a good relationship. So yeah we can keep it secret for now.”  
“Thank you,” Bucky whispers.   
“Of course,” you press a kiss to his cheek. “I want you to be comfortable with this and not do anything to make anything harder for you.” Bucky smiles at you.  
“I think I just need some time,” He clarifies.   
“Hey, I understand. I think I need some time as well,” You admit and lays your head on his shoulder again. You sit there in silence drinking your coffee together.   
“I need to take a shower,” you say when the coffee cup is empty. “And then call the team together to talk about the information I got.” Bucky stands up and offers you one hand. You take it and he pulls you up. Then he takes the coffee cups, gives your forehead a kiss and leaves your room with a “see you later”. It made you smile as you got undressed and jumped into the shower.The warm water eased the last of sleep from your head. 30 minutes later you were ready to start the day. 

Y/N called everyone to a meeting in the conference room, without talking to Steve about the reason behind the meeting or anything. It made him irritated. He was the leader of the Avengers, not her. He was considering not going to the meeting at all. Then his mind went to Bucky and the thought was that maybe the meeting was called for Bucky and Y/N to admit that they were in a relationship. Steve grumbled and walked to the conference room. He was the first one there so he walked over to the window. Someone walked into the room, but he did not turn around. Since every part of him seemed to react he knew that it was Y/N. Ignoring her seemed to be the best way to handle it, especially since simply the smell of her perfume made his heart beat faster.   
“Aren’t you going to talk to me?” he heard her say behind his back. Steve was quiet.  
“I see your silent treatment and raise you a ‘fuck off’” Y/N sass and walk back to the table. Steve was just about to tell her what she could do with her fuck off, when the door opened and the rest of the team walked in.  
“Fury could not come here, but he asked me to set up a link with him,” Y/N said before she put up the link.  
“What have you uncovered, Y/N?” Fury asked the second he was connected. Y/N told the team about her friend who had called that morning.   
“Captain, what is your game plan?” Fury asked when Y/N had finished.   
“I am sending Nat, Clint and Peter to check it out,” Steve crossed his arms. “If the intel is right we will strike.” Everyone agreed that Steve’s plan was a good idea and then the meeting was over.  
“Sweetheart, care to join me for a movie?” Steve heard Bucky whisper to Y/N. He saw her smile and how she nodded. It all gave Steve a bitter taste in his mouth so he walked away fast.

The information you had gotten from Logan was accurate. You knew that it must irk him that thanks to your contacts that the Hydra headquarters had been found. It was obvious when he did not even look at you when he informed the team the plan for the mission. For a minute you thought that maybe you would not be allowed to be a part of the mission, but he paired you up with Nat to get in and get as much information from the servers as possible. Nat gave you a smirk. Even if the mission sounded easy you knew not to take it lightly. Anything could happen and since there was no direct intel on how many Hydra agents where in the building everyone needed to be careful. As well as surrounding buildings in the industrial neighborhood could have Agents that needed to be taken care of. Or homeless people that needed to be kept out of harms way.  
That proved to be the right way to think, because Nat and You walked right in on some kind of meeting between 10 Hydra agents. But their surprise gave the two of you the upper hand and soon there were ten Hydra against unconscious on the floor. You walked over to the computer. There you got access to the system and started downloading all the information on your USB-drive.   
“We need back-up,” you heard Sam grunt in your earpiece. You nodded to Nat to go. Looking at the information downloading was not something that required two agents. Nat left to help Sam and you looked around the room if there was any more information. On the wall to your left there was a poster that only hung up with two points in the upper corners. You walked over and lifted the poster. Under it was a map over the world with pins in a lot of places all over the globe. The map was not possible to take down, so you took a lot of pictures of it before you dropped down the poster again.   
One of them men you had made unconscious before started to wake up, but you quickly made him pass out again. You walked over to the computer and the download was finished.  
“I am done here,” you reported and left the room. In the hallway sex Hydra agents came against you. The smirks on their faces indicated that they looked forward to ‘taking care’ of you, but it also meant they would not use their guns.  
“Fuck” you whispered but since you heard your teammates.  
“Y/N, what is happening?” Nat demanded to know.  
“Status update,” Steve ordered. You also heard Sam, Bucky and Tony trying to talk to you.  
“I have a situation here I need to handle,” you got out before the first fist came flying from one of the agents. You ducked and kicked out his legs under him. He hit his head in the concrete wall and was out of the action. The next man smirked before he took a hold of your arm. You kicked him in the balls and he fell down. “Can’t talk right now.” you groan out when you get a fist to the side of your face.  
“It’s not nice to hit a lady,” you sass, this got a lot of reaction in your ear piece. You ignored it and jump up on one of the men’s shoulders to take a stranglehold with your legs, as Nat had told you. At the same time you pick up two of your knives and throw them at two of the other agents. One man left standing and he comes at you with a knife. You tried to block a hit, when the man you kicked in the balls takes a hold of you from behind. The knife goes onto your left leg and it hurts like hell, but you quickly makes jump against the wall. This means that the man behind you gets in front of you and gets the knife into his body. The man with the knife get’s choked and you quickly take him out. You hear boots running against you so you pick up your gun, ready to defend yourself when Steve and Nat come racing around the corner. Nat sees the men on the floor and smirk at you. Steve looks anything but impressed. He make walks away and Nat and you follow. All you wanted now was to get back to the compound. That’s when you get the all clear and you felt a kind of relief. Bucky walked over to you and put a hand on you chin.   
“You got hit in the eye,” He said and looked down on your face.  
“Did I?” you sass. “I did not notice.” Bucky and Sam chuckle at this. You see Steve talking to Tony, but the daggers his eyes where sending told you enough of what he thought about you. Wonder how long until he confronted you? Hopefully not today, you thought.

Steve walked after Y/N in the corridor. Nobody else was around. He had ordered her to go to the med-bay when the team came back to the compound and that was where she was headed. This was the perfect place to talk to her alone. Even though Steve wondered why Bucky was not with her. Steve had thought about confronting her after the mission, but since that would have made everyone hear he had opted against that.   
“Why did you not request back-up?” Steve took a hold of Y/N arm and pushed her against the wall. This was starting to be a habit of his, but she pushed his bottoms. “You could have been killed.”  
“Well, I wasn’t. I had it all under control,” she looks up at Steve. Both of them knew she could easily get out of that hold.  
“Then why do you have a blue eye and a cut wound to your leg?” Steve wondered.  
“You were distracting me with all your questions,” she licked her lip. “And if you had a bad day. Don’t take it out on me. Unless we are both naked.” You wink at him and he drops the hold of her arm and just stares at her. She left him standing there walking to the med-bay to get her wound cleaned and looked at. Steve looked after her, with no clue what to say or do. Was she flirting with him? But what about Bucky? He was so confused and needed to get his head right before he talked to Bucky. Steve went to the gym to work off some of his frustration on a punching bag. 

The next day Steve was looking for Bucky. He had not been able to sleep all night and this morning he had a bad feeling in his stomach. Bucky. Steve needed him right now. To talk to him about Y/N. There was something about her that Steve just could not put his finger on. When he passed Y/N room he saw that the door was partly opened so he went over to it and pushed it all the way open. On the coffee table by the sofa stood the wooden box. Steve’s fingers were itching to find out what the box contained. He looked back to the door and contemplated leaving Y/N room. It was not right of him to invade her privacy, but what if she wanted to harm Bucky? That pushed Steve to go over to the box and open it. What he saw inside was not what he had expected. He took out the different piles of letters and put them to the side. It was the pictures of him and Bucky that interested him. As well as a picture of Steve with his parents. And a picture of Bucky with his mother. What was this?   
“Are you always stupid or is today just a special day?” Y/N stood in the doorway with a frown on her face. Steve had not thought at all about maybe getting caught, but it had given him everything he needed to get rid of Y/N from the team. The thought gave him a pain around his heart, but if must be because the thought how Bucky would handle the news of that.  
“This is the prof I need,” Steve holds up a picture of Bucky from the war. “You are Hydra.” Steve saw how the color of her face drained. Was he wrong?  
“You think I am Hydra,” She whispered out. “Wow. You deserve a high five in the face with a chair,” Y/N takes a step closer to Steve and he can see that her hands are fisted.   
“How else can you explain all of this,” Steve makes a gesture with his hand over all the pictures he had found of Steve, Bucky and their families.


	5. The Truth and Apologizing

“I see you,” Steve smirked. “And the way you are acting with Bucky. If you think Hydra will get their Winter Soldier back you are wrong. Bucky is never ever going back to Hydra” You fisted your hands.   
“You are not even going to listen to me explain this?” you growled already knowing the answer.  
“Why listen to more of your lies?” Steve looks you up and down. “I know that you lived across from me in Brooklyn to get close to me, but that backfired when I thought you were spying on me for S.H.I.E.L.D. when you, in fact, were spying for HYDRA. Then you lost Bucky and you had to find a way to get close to him.” You are so mad at that point that you almost hit him. But the sentence where he thought you were spying on him explains why he started avoiding you all those years before.  
“Joining the team is the perfect cover to get close to Bucky. And now that the two of you are together you think that flirting with me would make me blind to what you are doing.” Steve gives you one final look before he storms out. Apparently finding pictures has been enough proof that Steve needed it. His mind was set and there was nothing you could do at this point. When you walk over to your box you see that Steve had taken two of your favorite photos with him. You want to run after him and get the photos back, but all your energy drains and you end up sitting on the floor. A tear runs down your face and drops down on your hand with your grandmother’s ring. It hurt that a man you had seen as a hero your entire childhood up until now thought you were Hydra. At least Bucky knew the truth and deep inside you hoped that that would be enough. To get back from eating breakfast and finding Steve looking through your private things had not been who you had thought this day would be. Apparently yesterday’s mission scared Bucky, so he wanted to come clean about the two of you to the entire team. He just wanted to tell Steve first, in private. Bucky had probably been looking for Steve while Steve was looking through your photos. Looking around your room, you did no longer feel at home. You feel violated. Maybe you should move back to your apartment? A picture of your grandmother and grandfather in Central Park caught your eye. You picked it up and knew exactly what to do. After packing up all the pictures and letters Steve had tossed out you closed the lid of the box and walked out of your room. 

One hour later you walked over to the two gravestones that were put up for the four most important people in your life.   
“Hello Mom and Dad you said to the gravestone on the left that read:

‘Mary Williamson Y/L/N   
Born July 9, 1955 Died November 8, 2004   
“A life of beauty and service”

‘James Steven Y/L/N   
Born April 4, 1952 Died August 29, 2007   
“Brave in spirit, Strong in love”’

“Hello Grandpa and Grandma” you said to the gravestone to the right that read:

‘Lewis Y/L/N   
Born May 4, 1920 Died February 5, 2008.   
“If I could do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing."’

‘Rebecca “Becca” Barnes Y/L/N   
Born September 21, 1922 Died January 10, 2011   
"I hate to leave you all behind, but we’ll meet again one day."’

You sat down in front of the two graves and felt a kind of peace.   
“It all went to hell and I don’t know what to do,” you whisper and feel the tears in your eyes. “I miss you more than you will ever know.” And then you let it all out. 

At the compound Steve had gone to his room for a while before talking to Bucky. Seeing Y/N’s face when he told her he knew she was a member Hydra had put some doubt in his mind, but at the same time there could be no other truth. She had to be Hydra. After a few minutes of peace he went to find Bucky, still holding two of Y/N pictures. Eventually he finds Bucky in the Gym working out. Bucky is spotting Sam who is lifting weights.  
“Hey, I was looking for you before,” Bucky started to say and was planing on continuing, but something about the look on Steve’s face stopped him.  
“We need to talk,” Steve says with his arms crossed over his chest and a face that showed no emotions.   
“So talk,” Bucky says and looked at Sam.  
“Not here,” Steve tries.   
“Why not?” Sam wonders looking at Steve.  
“We need to talk about Y/N” Steve is still holding the pictures behind his back.  
“Whatever you have to say about her you can say here,” Bucky insists and Steve groans. He feels himself get riled up and there is no way to contain the words that he needs to get out.  
“Y/N is Hydra,” Steve almost yells. There are several bangs around the gym and Sam stands up and crosses his arms. Bucky’s eyes are big.  
“What did you say?” Sam glares at Steve.  
“She is Hydra,” Steve gets out again, a bit lower this time. “I have proof.” He hands Bucky the photo’s. Sam pears over at the photos and just shakes his head.  
“She is not HYDRA,” Bucky roars and Steve takes a step back. He makes a gesture to the pictures in Bucky’s hand.  
“Your absolute idiot,” Sam shakes his head at Steve. Nat, Wanda, Clint and Tony are walking towards them in the gym looking everything but happy. Steve swallows.  
“Y/N is my family,” Bucky shoves Steve.   
“Just because she has lured you into falling in love with her does..” Steve is interrupted by Nat slapping him in the face. Bucky is read in the face.  
“I am not in love with Y/N. She is Becca’s granddaughter,” Bucky yells. Steve feels all blood leave his face. What had he done? And why had he not seen that. That explains so many things. Not all, but so much. Bucky drops the photos on the floor and moves towards Steve.  
“What did you do?” Bucky is standing nose to nose with Steve. The rest is surrounding him.   
“And how did you get these photos?” Nat wonders as she picks them up. Steve swallows.  
“I saw the wooden box in her room and opened it,” Steve whispers. “She found me looking through them and I told her what I thought about her.” Bucky pushes Steve away from him and runs out of the gym. Steve looked after him.  
“You are an asshole,” Wanda shakes her head.  
“I could hit you again,” Nat’s eyes are almost black now. Clint has his hand on her shoulder and it is like that is the only thing that is keeping her from hurting him.  
“You should have come to me,” Tony sighs. “I have known who she is the entire time.”  
“Then why did you not say anything?” Steve demanded to know.  
“Because it was her secret,” Tony crossed his arms over his chest. “It is her life and she has to decide when she was ready to share it.”  
“Exactly,” Sam agrees.  
“Wait, how many of you knew the truth,” Steve looked at his teammates.  
“Only Nat and Tony. But the rest of us had our guesses,” Wanda looked at the other who nodded.   
“So nobody more than me though Bucky and Y/N were in a relationship,” Steve was starting to feel more and more bad. “Or that she could be Hydra.”  
“Nope,” Sam answered. “And you do know that she is friends with about every hero in at least 1000 miles radius?”  
“Mmmhh,” Steve mutters. That was not something that was on his mind right now. He needed to talk with Bucky and apologize to Y/N. He scratched his neck.  
“You do realise that most of those people will want to kick your ass when they find out about this,” Sam smirks. Steve swallows and looks around.   
“Shit,” He crocs out.   
Tony nods and walks away. Nat and Wanda walk away as well, but not before Nat gives Steve one more of her killer stares. Steve looked at Sam. He had no idea how he would solve things or if he even could solve it. 

You hear someone coming up behind you. It puts you on alert until you hear his voice.  
“Y/N,” Bucky almost whispers.   
“Hey, Bucky,” you turn around and look at him. “You remembered.” Bucky sat down beside you looking at the grave of his sister and her husband and the grave of his nephew with his wife. You had told Bucky that you went to the cemetery when you needed someone to talk to. Even if you were just talking and never got answered it was as you had your parents and grandparents there beside you.  
“Yeah,” Bucky scratched his neck. “I should have brought flowers.”   
“Next time,” you leaned your head against his shoulder. Bucky clears his throat. You knew what was coming next.  
“Steve..” Bucky started but you lifted a hand.  
“I know what he told you,” You whispered and felt the tears threatening to start falling again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“I set him straight,” Bucky put his arm around your shoulder. “I still can’t believe my best friend would think something like that.”  
“Bucky, I really don’t want to talk about this,” You sigh and play with your grandmother’s ring.  
“Sweetheart, we need to talk about it,” Bucky kissed your forehead.   
“No, we really do not,” you say firmly.  
“This is my fault,” Bucky sigh.  
“No, it’s not. This is Steve’s fault,” You stand up and start pacing. “He could just have asked, not accused. He has been treating me like shit for years now. Just because he had made some assumptions and never got them checked out. This is just the icing on the cake.” Bucky looked up at you and let you rant. Then he tilted his head.  
“You have feelings for him,” Bucky blurted out. That made you stop and look down at the ground. Not really knowing what to say.  
“No comment,” was all you could come up with and it made Bucky chuckle.   
“Sweetheart,” Bucky stood up and took a hold of your left hand. “I understand if all of this makes you want to stop being an Avenger.”  
“Stop being an Avenger,” you snort. “No chance in hell will Steve’s behaviour make me want to stop that. I am stronger, smarter and wiser than letting a man chase me away from my life.” Bucky nods and smiles.   
“Atta girl,” Bucky pulled you close and hugged you. “Let’s get back to the compound.” You nodded, closed the lid on your wooden box and lifted it. Bucky nodded towards the box and when you nodded he took it under one arm and he put the other arm around you.   
“Where is your car?” Bucky wondered.  
“I got a ride from a friend, so no car,” you said and Bucky lifted a brow. You smiled at him but did not elaborate.   
“Then you can ride back with me,” Bucky concluded and walked over to black BMW. A car you know that Tony owned. You hoped into the front seat and Bucky secured your wooden box in the back seat, before he took the driver seat.  
“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Bucky admitted. “But you know that you will have to face Steve at some point.” You sink a bit further down your seat.   
“I know,” you sighed. “But I will deal with it.”  
“Good,” Bucky reached over and took your hand. “Just know I am on your side in this.” That made you smile, then frown.  
“Whatever he did,” you sit up a bit straighter when the compound came into view. “He is still your best friend and like a brother to you. I don’t want to do anything to destroy that.” Bucky looked down at your hands for a quick look.  
“What he did and said to you is not easily forgiven,” Bucky sighed. “Even if I know I will forgive him eventually, does not mean you are less important to me. You are still my family and I want you in my life.” This brings tears to your eyes. Bucky saw you as family. A warm feeling spreads in your body and it makes you smile. Bucky parked the car in the garage and went out of the car. You sit there for a minute taking a deep breath. Bucky opens your car door and holds out his hand, under the other arm he has your wooden box.  
“Ready?” his smile makes you feel confident.  
“Yeah,” You say and take his hand. Together you walk to the living quarters of the compound. 

Steve saw Bucky driving the car into the grounds at the compound and that Y/N was with him. He knew that he needed to talk to them. After a while he heard their voices coming toward him and he got ready to talk to the two of them. He had a whole speech ready to go. But when it was only Y/N that came into the kitchen, no Bucky. She stopped the moment she saw him there, but then she walked over to the fridge and took out two water bottles, without as much as look at him again. Steve cleared his throat but still no reaction from Y/N.  
“Y/N,” Steve started and his mind was blank. His speech had been to both Bucky and Y/N and now that she was standing here in front of him he had no words. She did not turn but started to look through the pantry.  
“Y/N,” Steve tried again, but she took out a bar of chocolate and placed it on the counter. It made him irritated that she did not care that he was trying to talk with her. How was he supposed to apologize if she did not even look at him? Before he knew what he was doing he had walked over there and tapped her against the counter. She turned to look at him with a stone face.   
“I am trying to talk with you,” Steve almost growled.   
“I don’t care what you have to say to me,” Y/N snarled at him. “I think you said enough a couple of hours ago.”  
“Y/N,” Steve growled this time. Y/N yawned.  
“Do you really think this caveman behaviour will get me to listen to anything you have to say,” Y/N looked down at her nails. Steve felt himself lose control.  
“I am the leader of this team,” He bellowed. “You will listen to me.”  
“All I see is a toddler having a tantrum because he can’t get what he wants,” Y/N sassed and stood on her toes so she was almost eye to eye with the angry Steve.  
“What the hell is going on in here?” Bucky shouted when he walked into the room. “Steve!” That made Steve take a step back and Y/N took the water and the chocolate and walked over to Bucky.  
“Y/N, I am trying to apologize,” Steve got out. Y/N looked at him.   
“No you are not,” She shook her head. “You are trying to bully me into talking to you and forgiving what you said.” With that she walked away. Steve started to walk after her but Bucky stopped her.  
“Leave her alone,” Bucky demanded.  
“I am her Captain,” Steve grunted. “I can’t leave her alone. We need to sort this out so I know she can be professional out in the field.”  
“I have the utmost respect for her ability to compartmentalise and be an asset out in the field.” Bucky snorted. “And if there is anyone who needs to check his professionalism it is you going through her room and acting like a jerk.” Bucky turned around and walked away. Steve stood there looking after his best friend.   
“Fuck,” Steve sighed at the same time as Tony walked into the kitchen.  
“Did you just say a bad word?” Tony smirked but when he saw Steve’s face the smirk disappeared.  
“I take it the conversation with Y/N and Bucky did not work so well,” Tony patted Steve’s back.  
“No,” Steve hung his head. “I think I made it worse.” Tony took out a water bottle from the fridge.   
“You know,” Tony started then stopped. Steve looked over at him. “My father once told me that an apology needs to be as loud as the disrespect was.” Then he left the room.  
“How am I going to be able to do that?” Steve said to the room, but since there was nobody there the only answer he got was silence. Steve goes to his room hoping a good night sleep will give him the answers.

The next morning Steve is not sleepy even a minute and he still has no idea how to fix things. His last resort is to google it. And there it is. The best apology in the world. Flowers. He tried to think of a flower that could help him. Red roses felt wrong, those were romantic and apologizing was not romantic. Sunflowers came to mind. Sunny and happy. Steve ran out of his room and took a car to the nearest flower shop and ordered a large bouquet of sunflowers.   
Then he hurried back to the compound and walked right up to Y/N door and started to knock. He heard movement inside and then the door opened to Y/N standing there in only a pair of pj shorts and a tank-top.   
“What the hell are you doing here?” She grumbles and Steve just hands her the flowers.   
“I wanted to apologize,” Steve scratch his neck. “The flowers are a part of my apology. So hmm.. I am sorry.” She starts to laugh and shake her head. Steve just looks at her. What is happening? Why is she laughing?

There was a frenetic knocking on your door. You wish that it would just go away, but it seemed to only get louder. Sighing you stand up and walk over to the door. The sight outside your door was not what you had ever thought you would see. Steve in crumpled clothes and a big bouquet of sunflowers.   
“What the hell are you doing here?” You ask even if you don’t really want to know. All you wanted to do was yell at him for waking you up. It had been a late night the day before since Bucky and you had ended up going through all of the pictures in your box and you had told him everything that he had missed that included your family. Steve handed you the bouquet.  
“I wanted to apologize,” Steve said, but he did not really look apologetic. He looked nervous. “The flowers are a part of my apology. So hmm.. I am sorry.” The look on his face and the flowers, it just got too much. You started to laugh. Was he fucking serious? He thought that could be taken as a sincere apology and flowers.. Nope. You handed the flowers back.  
“Take those before I stick them somewhere the sun does not shine,” you sass at him and close the door in his face. It was oddly satisfying and you crawl down in your bed again.

Steve stood there with his mouth hanging open and the flowers back in his arms. What had just happened? He hears a chuckle from the vent over him.  
“Barton, get down here,” Steve sighs. Clint jumps down beside him and pats him on his back.   
“Thank you for today’s laugh,” Clint smirked and start to walk away.  
“What did I do wrong?” Steve wondered and Clint shrugs and walks away.   
“Clint, please,” Steve walked after him.   
“Do you really think that sunflowers are a worthy apology for going through someone's personal things and accusing someone of being a member of Hydra?” Clint left Steve standing there. Steve looked down at the flowers in his arms, maybe he needed something more expensive. Something more. Steve could not find the words for what he needed, but he knew where to find it. Google. That sight seemed to have every answer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	6. Google and weak apologies

Steve spent the next few days pouring over google. The sunflowers had not worked, but could it be because it was the wrong kind of flowers. He quickly found out that flowers had different symbolic meanings. If the sunflower were short they meant adoration, but tall meant haughtiness. Steve tried to remember if he had given Y/N short or tall flowers, but either way, neither of the two options was the right meaning. He continued to read about the different meanings, then he found the perfect combination of flowers. Steve wrote them all down and went to the nearest flower shop, although it took him ten different flower shops to get the flowers together and a lot of money since some were out of season. He had chosen bluebells because they symbolised humility, White Chrysanthemum because the symbolised truth, Hyacinths because they were said to mean peace and truth, White Orchids because they should mean sincerity and long lasting and lastly tulips because they meant new beginnings, peace and forgiveness. The flowers together looked a bit miss-matched, but Steve hoped they would show Y/N that he was serious. He knocked on her door when he got back to the compound, but there was no answer, then he heard it. Laughter, or more exactly her laughter. He followed the sound and found her sitting in the kitchen with Sam, Bucky and Clint talking and laughing. The smile on Y/N face almost made him lose his breath and Steve wondered if this was the wrong time to do this, but decided that it had to be now. He wanted his best friend back and to do that he needed to get Y/N to forgive him. 

You were enjoying your free time with Sam, Bucky and Clint. You had shared a few of your best and worst memories working with different vigilantes around the city. Like the time that Deadpool lost a hand in a fight and that you had thought that was it. You told them about seeing him regrow the hand had been one of the most disturbing but fascinating things ever, but you skipped to tell them about his suggestion of how he could use the growing hand to give you pleasure. Bucky would probably not like that. Sam talked about meeting Scott the first time and it made you laugh. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Steve enter the room, but you ignored it. Bucky tensed up when he saw Steve walking closer, but you kept your focus on Sam. Someone cleared his throat next to you and it made you close your eyes. Could he not leave you alone. When you opened your eyes again a new bouquet of flowers were in front of them. A whole lot of different flowers that did not seem to belong together. Almost like he had gone into the first flower shop and just taken the first flowers that he saw. You sigh and stand up turning towards Steve.  
“I am sorry,” Steve said and pushes the flowers against her chest. She looks down at them again. “I was wrong that you were Hydra.”   
“I don’t know how you do it,” you start then glancing at Bucky who had his arms crossed and was about to stand up. “I mean you need to have some special skill.” Steve beams as he thought that you were about to accept his half assed apology. “But every time you open your mouth I want to hit you. With a chair over your head. It must be your talent.” Clint snorts and you press the flowers back at Steve and leaves the room without looking back. You hear someone shout and then some yelling, but you walk fast to your room. Well behind the safety of your own doors you drop down on your bed and that’s when you feel it. A single tear running down your face. You quickly brush it away. There was no reason to cry over a stupid, stupid man. You close your eyes and imagine your grandmother in front of you and trying to understand who she could have seen Steve as her brother. Had Rebecca been blind to Steve’s flaws or did you just bring out the worst of him? With that question you fall into an uneasy sleep, dreaming about your family.

Steve stood outside Y/N room trying to get the courage to knock. Bucky had yelled at Steve and then he had told him to stay away from her, but Steve could not leave it like it was. He needed her to forgive him. He needed to make things right.   
“Don’t,” Clint said to the right of Steve. “Listen to Bucky and leave her alone.”  
“Clint,” Steve sighed and turned to his friend.  
“No, give her time,” Clint crossed his arms. “And think if flowers really are enough to apologize for your actions.” Clint turned around and walked away. Steve looked back at Y/N door and lifted his hand to knock, but something held him back. Maybe Clint was right. Steve needed something more to apologize. Back to google, Steve decided. 

You were training in the gym with Nat, Sam and Bucky. Nat had challenged you to a sparring fight so the two of you were up in the ring sparring and Bucky and Sam watched the two of you. The best part with Nat was that she did not hold anything back. She always gave it her all and it made the training brutal but fun. You heard the door open to the gym and turned to see so it wouldn’t be Steve. This gave Nat the upper-hand to flip you down on the mat.  
“You should be more concentrated on the fight, instead of watching the door,” Nat commented and Sam chuckled. You sigh and look at Nat.  
“Do you want to see him or do you want to escape him?” Nat tilted her head to the side.   
“I don’t want to see him or hear his weak excuses. If I see him here again with some flowers to apologize,” you groan and sit up. “Then I will take the nearest chair and hit him in the head until he understands that it’s not enough.”  
“What is it with you and wanting to hit Steve with a chair,” Sam asked. You shrug a shoulder.   
“He seems to be the type you have to hit in the head to make him understand things,” You stand up and get ready to fight Nat again.  
“She is not wrong,” Bucky comments and shakes his head.   
Nat and you continued to sparr, unknowing about the fact that Steve was in the city trying to find the perfect apology to give you.

Steve had the perfect apology to Y/N this time. He had it packed up in a nice package and a new bouquet of flowers, white roses this time. Steve decided to try and find Y/N directly since he did not want the flowers to die. This time he knew that his apology was bullet-prof. He had googled for hours and a lot of sources said the same. There was no chance that this could go wrong. He started in the kitchen since he knew that sometimes during the day Y/N would drink a cup of tea, but she was not there. He looked in the library, but all he saw was Bruce reading a book looking serious. Steve did not want to go into the gym, since he knew that Bucky probably would be there and the last thing he needed was to be yelled at again. All he needed was to give Y/N this apology and then everything would go back to normal. He turned a corner and that was when he saw her walking towards the kitchen. It was like fate wanted him to find her alone, Steve decided and walked after her. 

You had been having a bad day and you did not know it was about to get worse. It was the day before the anniversary of your mother’s death and you missed her like crazy. If she had been there you would have hugged her close and asked her advice how to handle Steve. You were on your way to make some tea in the kitchen to take back to your room, since your where out of tea in your room.. All you wanted was to be alone and remember your family. You heard steps behind you but figured that it was someone on the team, not really paying any attention to anything. The mood you were in made you feel fragile and distracted. So when Steve stepped in front of you as you were going to take the cattle you froze.   
“Hey Y/N,” Steve smiled at you and you just looked at him. You felt disconnected from your body. It seemed as if he took that as a good thing as he handed you another bouquet of flowers. White roses this time. You took the flowers, but just held them down by your side. Steve shook his head and then took the roses from your grip again and placed them on the counter behind you. He lifted your right hand and placed a medium big box in your palm. You looked at the box and his hand was still holding your hand up. It feels like there was a small current going through your skin where his hand was.   
“I am very sorry, Y/N,” Steve gave you a small smile and it woke you up. “Please accept this as my apology.” Steve nods to the box. You pull your hand back from his grip and your curiosity makes you slowly take off the bow on the box. Steve is looking at you and it makes you nervous. What was in the box? You lift the lid and in a million years you had never thought anything like that would have been inside the box. It was a necklace and matching earrings placed on royal blue velvet. The diamonds glisten in the light in the room and you look between the box and to Steve. He has a smug smile on his face and it makes you want to cry. He thought this was an apology? Why the hell would he buy you diamonds?  
“You think this is an apology?” You whisper out and Steve’s eyebrows pull together.   
“Did I get the wrong necklace? Should it have been rubies or sapphires?” Steve asked and this made you mad. He really thought this would make you forgive him. You were getting sick of Steve not understanding what he had done wrong and the flowers and jewelry was not what you wanted. What you needed was an honest apology and some truth of why he did the things he did. You trust the box back in his hands.   
“You think flowers and jewellery will make me forgive you,” you cross your arms and stare at Steve. He looks down on the floor.  
“Well, yeah,” Steve cleared his throat.  
“You thought I was Hydra,” you almost spit out. “You did not trust me and you did not try to talk to me or anybody else. You invaded my privacy and called me a liar. Not even giving me the chance to explain anything.” Steve looks at you and it takes a lot of willpower for you not to hit him again.  
“When you put it like that,” Steve starts.   
“Like that,” You snap at him. “You know I grew up on stories about Bucky and you because grandma thought of you as a big brother. She used to tell me how her brother Steve always fought for the little man. That you never backed down. Always cared about other people. But then meeting you. Getting to know you have been a letdown. You are nothing like I was told. You are like a toddler that could not share your toy.“ You turn around and Steve takes a grip of your arm.  
“Y/N!” Steve tries.  
“Just let me be,” You whisper out. Tired of this. Tired of him not seeing how he hurt you. Tired of getting your hopes up every time you saw him that he would really understand and give you the apology you needed. Flowers and jewellery was not an apology. It was bribes. Steve takes a hold of your arm and turns you around, but he drops your arm as if he was holding burning coal when he sees your face and the tears running down it. This time you turn around and run out of the room. You could not face him now. You needed to be alone to cry and keep your emotions in check. If this had been a few days ago or in a few days, you were sure you would not have cried, but right now it was just too much. When you got to your room you asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to keep your room looked and that you would not get disturbed unless it was something important. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	7. Eye opener and honesty

Wanda meets a crying Y/N running in the corridor and she knows the reason. Steve. He has to be behind this. Who else would make Y/N cry? Wanda tries to decide if she should go after Y/N or go and kick Steve’s ass, but the decision was easy. Steve. Y/N probably needed some time to calm down. Wanda storms into the kitchen ready to give Steve a piece of her mind, but when the sight before her stops her in her tracks. Steve is sitting on the floor looking down on the jewellery box that he clearly has been trying to give Y/N.  
“You don’t have to say a word,” Steve get’s out with a hoarse voice. “I messed it all up again.”  
Wanda sighed and sat down next to Steve on the floor. Maybe yelling at him was the wrong thing to do.  
“You have gone about your apology the wrong way from the beginning,” Wanda explained. Steve tilted his head and looked at her.  
“I did what google suggested,” Steve tried to defend himself. Wanda groaned.   
“Google is not always right,” Wanda mused.  
“But everyone always told me that I should google things,” Steve’s brows were pulled together.   
“Steve,” Wanda sighs and shakes her head. “Google can be a good tool to find things like historical events, books, movies and music. But when it comes to righting wrongs and more personal issues Google is not the place to get advice.”  
“Oh,” Steve looks down on his hands. “So the flowers and jewellery?”   
“It can seem as if you were trying to buy forgiveness and also your apology did not seem honest,” Wanda explained. “Some men use flowers and jewelry to appease their women when the men have done something wrong, like forgetting an important date.”  
“Fuck,” Steve whispers out. Wanda decides not to call him out on the swear word.   
“If you really want to apologize to Y/N and make things right with her and Bucky you need to do so in an honest and real way.” Wanda put a hand on Steve’s. “You can’t buy Y/N forgiveness.”  
“I am lost, Wanda,” Steve whispered. “What should I do?” Wanda contemplated. On one hand, she wanted to yell at Steve, but that was all everyone had done. Yeah, he was a big idiot, but nobody thought about how out of time Steve still was. Or the fact that he was lousy with women. He had made a snap judgment against Y/N twice and hopefully he had learnt his lesson. So on the other hand she wanted to help him make things right with both Y/N and Bucky. Make him understand the right way to do things.  
“This is not something you can fix overnight, Steve,” Wanda stood up. “You need to give both Bucky and Y/N time as well as show them how sorry you really are.” Steve nodes and Wanda decide she has told him enough. Now it was up to him to fix it. So she leaves him to his thoughts.

Ten minutes later Steve is no longer sitting on the floor in the kitchen, but at the counter. He hears heavy steps coming towards him and he does not have to guess how it is. Steve sighs and stands up. As he turns a fist is trusted into his face and Steve stumbles back a step against the counter.   
“You had to make it worse,” Bucky growls. “You just could not leave her alone.” Bucky grips on tightly to Steve’s t-shirt, almost lifting Steve up. Steve just looks at his friend. Bucky kind of shakes him.  
“I am not going to fight you,” Steve sighs and Bucky stops and looks at him. Really look at Steve for the first time in awhile.   
“Fuck,” Bucky swears under his breath. He realizes Steve and Steve leans against the counter. His face is throbbing, but he ignores it.   
“You look like shit,” Bucky says and looks Steve up and down.  
“I feel like it,” Steve agrees and looks down on his feet.  
“You are still a punk,” Bucky grumbles.   
“And you are still a jerk,” Steve answers and smiles at his friend. Steve felt like some weight on his shoulders had lifted. He knew that Bucky and he would be alright. It would take some time, but he knew they were on the right track.  
“You are not forgiven yet,” Bucky grumbles again trying to keep back a smile.   
“I know,” Steve tried not to smile bigger, he knew that Bucky was starting to come around.  
“You really need to make things right with Y/N,” Bucky continued. Steve nodded. “But not the same way you have done.” Steve nodded again. “Maybe you should try with writing her a letter.” Bucky lifted a shoulder.   
“Thank you Bucky,” Steve let out a laugh and left the room. Bucky had just given Steve what could be the solution. Steve was going to write Y/N a letter. 

One of the days you dreaded was here. It was the anniversary of your mother’s death, a day you always wanted to be alone. A day you spent crying and remembering your mother. You woke up really early with a jerk. A look at the clock made you realise that nobody else would be up, which made this the perfect time to go to the kitchen and get some breakfast and maybe even something more to eat for later in the day, so you would not have to talk with anyone. When you get back to your room you almost trip over a big box outside your door. You open your door and put your breakfast and lunch in your room before you walk back to the door. There was no address or anything on the box, so you pick it up and put it on your counter. After breakfast you pull a knife out of one of your dresser drawers and open the box. Inside there are a soft dark red blanket, a lot of expensive chocolates, four books you had told Bucky about that you wanted to read, two movies you had talked about wanting to see, a big box with mixed teas, a bottle of red wine, a bottle of tequila, two bags of different dried fruit, a thick candle in a glass jar, a facemask and pair of fluffy blood red socks. On top of it, all was a note.

 _I know this day is hard for you. I hope these things can help you get through the day._ ♡ 

Seeing as if it was the anniversary of your mother’s death you figured it was from Bucky trying to cheer you up since you had told him that the anniversaries always was a hard day for you. That he thought about you made you smile. You wanted to thank Bucky right now but the books called your name and you figured the best thing for you to do right now was to make some tea, crawl under the blanket and read a book. Dealing with people on this day was not something you wanted to do, so you hoped that there would be no missions today. That you could be here in your room dealing with this day alone. It had been years since your mother died, but it was still a hard day. It was the same for the dates your father, grandmother and grandfather had died. You missed them a lot and had always made sure that you spent those days alone nowadays. Before your grandmother died you had spent them with her. Remembering, laughing and crying. Now those days where yours alone to do that and it feels worse. You fixed your tea, took the first book from the book pile and then pulled the blanket over yourself and began to read. 

The next day in the afternoon there was a knock on your door. When you opened it, Wanda, Pepper and Nat stood before you dressed up to the nines, hair and make-up done.   
“You need a girls night out,” Nat said and pushed past you. Wanda and Pepper followed. You looked at your open door back to the woman now in your room.   
“I do?” You closed your door. Nat and Pepper opened your wardrobe and Wanda stood looking at your make-up.  
“Yes, you do,” Pepper insisted and Wanda nodded. You sighed and looked over at the books by your bedside table that you got the day before. You had read one of them and wanted to continue reading. Of course you could turn the girls down, but going out sounded like fun and you had not had a girls night in over a years time.  
“I am in,” You say and the girls laugh.  
“I think it’s fun that you think you had a choice,” Nat sass at you and points at your bathroom.   
“Nat, means go take a shower and we will get everything ready for you out here,” Pepper smiles at you. Shrugging you do as you are told. 

When you got out of the shower one of your favorite dresses lay on your bed. A pair of high heels stood on the floor in front of the bed and the girls stood by your mirror discussing what kind of make-up you should have on. It made you smile and you were thankful that these girls had your back and that you could see them as family.  
“There you are,” Wanda almost squealed. “We have decided that you should wear that amazing black dress, those shoes and for make-up this darker red lipstick and smokey eyes.” You looked at the lipstick Wanda held up. It was something you had bought but never used, so why not. You quickly got dressed and then you let Nat do your makeup while Wanda and Pepper fussed with your hair. It felt nice to be taken care of.   
“I heard that Steve is still being a clueless jerk,” Pepper said after a while. You saw the look Nat gave her but shrugged.   
“You could think that he never talked to a woman before,” You tried to laugh. Wanda placed a hand on your shoulder. It told you that she knew about your feelings for Steve, conflicting feelings but still feelings of love and sometimes hate. You sighed.  
“I feel like I should forgive him and move on,” You admitted and Nat smiled at you.   
“Give him one more chance to apologize and then you can decide,” Nat keeps her face neutral. It felt like she was hiding something.  
“Do you really think he can do that right?” you asked, tilting your head slightly.  
“You never know,” Nat said again and smiled. Wanda clapped her hands together.  
“Let’s forget Steve and have our girls night out,” She cheered.   
“Happy is waiting on us outside,” Pepper looked down at her phone. You decided to try and forget Steve tonight. Whatever happened, would happen. You had already decided to give it some more time and then try and keep it together around Steve for Bucky’s sake. He needed his family and Steve was family. 

Steve woke up by his phone ringing beside him in the middle of the night. He sat up and saw Wanda’s name on the screen and answered.  
“Hey,” Steve said and before he got another word out Wanda started to talk.  
“Thank good, Steve,” Wanda breathed out in relief. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of Tony, but he is not answering. Bucky does not answer either. Can you please come and pick us up?” Steve heard something in the background of Wanda’s call and her swearing.   
“Hold on a minute,” Wanda sighed. “Y/N get down from there. Nat, don’t encourage her. Y/N, I mean it, don’t make me come up there. Pepper stop taking pictures.” Steve fought to keep a laugh in.   
“Where are you?” Steve was pulling on pants and looking for a shirt. Wanda told him where and Steve was out the door. He stopped by Bucky’s door when he heard the music, because it meant that Bucky was awake. He knocked on the door and Bucky opened fully dressed.   
“We need to go, now,” Steve urged his friend who had still not had a chance to say a word. But the look on Steve’s face told Bucky that it was urgent. Bucky closed his door behind him.  
“Mission?” Bucky wondered as he followed his friend to the elevator.   
“No,” Steve answered and pressed the button. “Girls night out.” Bucky groaned. 

They went to the garage and took the minibus that Tony had bought “for Morgan’s future playdates, football games and whatnot”. Seeing as they were picking up four drunk women they needed a bigger car.   
“Who called you?” Bucky looked down on his phone and saw ten missed calls, thirteen messages and two voicemails. He had turned his sound off.  
“Wanda,” Steve answered, keeping his eyes on the road. “She had tried reaching Tony as well as you, but nobody answered.” Bucky pressed to listen to the voicemails. The first was a drunk Y/N.  
“Hey, Buckaroo, you should have gone out with us.” In the background they could hear Nat and Pepper yell “It’s girls night out.” “He can be an honorary girl,” Y/N whined. “He is pretty enough.” That made the girls laugh in the background. Steve chuckled. Y/N then continued with something completely different. “Buckaroo, there was a man here who wanted to take me out on a date.” This made Steve grip the steering wheel harder. “But Nat scared him away. Apparently, he was a fuckboy.” Steve took a couple of deep breaths. “See you tomorrow.” Y/N happy voices screamed out and then the voicemail ended.   
“Well, then,” Bucky cleared his throat. Steve kept quiet thinking about the man that had hit on Y/N. He was thankful that Nat had scared him away, but he knew that one day Y/N would meet somebody. This made his chest feel tight. He tried to get those thoughts out of his head and concentrate on getting to the girls. Bucky did not listen to any more voicemails. Probably because he saw Steve’s reaction to what Y/N had said but Steve decided to ignore that as well. This was not the time och place to talk to Bucky about his feelings for Y/N.

When they pulled up outside the club they saw Wanda trying to keep control over the other girls. Y/N stood on a bus bench by the road dancing and singing, Nat was encouraging her, but at the same time looking mean on any man who dared to stop and look at Y/N. Pepper was on her phone filming it all.  
“Trouble never looked god damn fine,” Steve muttered out when he looked at Y/N dancing around in a tight black dress. Bucky heard him and only smirked at his friend. The exited the car and when Wanda saw Bucky and Steve she looked relieved.  
“Thank god, you are here!” Wanda almost yelled. “Our ride back to the compound is here, ladies.”   
“Hey, good looking!” Nat winked at Bucky who blushed and looked down on his feet.   
“ _Boy, you know I want your love_ ” Y/N continued to sing and dance on the bench. Ignoring them all. Pepper smirked and continued to film the whole thing. “ _Your love was handmade for somebody like me. Come on now, follow my lead. I may be crazy, don’t mind me. Say, girl, let’s not talk too much. Grab on my waist and put that body on me. Come on now, follow my lead. Come, come on now, follow my lead._ ” Bucky looked at Steve and shook his head. Nat walked over to Bucky or tried at least. She stumbled on the last step and Bucky got a hold of her before she hit the ground.   
“Take me home,” She said to him and Bucky looked down on Nat who took that moment to threw her hands around his neck.   
“Wanda, can you take care of Pepper?” Steve asked and she nodded. “I will take care of Y/N.”  
“Good luck getting her down from that bench,” Wanda looks over at Y/N, who was still dancing and singing. “We got kicked out of the club, because she went up on stage dancing and singing.”  
Steve chuckled and walked over to the bench, Y/N looked down on him and continued to sing.  
“ _I’m in love with the shape of you. We push and pull like a magnet do,_ ” Y/n winked at him. Steve laughed and held up his hand for her. She shook her head and continued to sing. “Although my heart is falling too. I’m in love with your body.” Steve sighed and took a hold of Y/N waist and lifted her down from the bench. Y/N laugh and changed the song she was singing.   
“ _She took Jamie as a chaser, Jack for the fun. She got Arthur on the table with Johnny riding as shotgun._ ” Y/N winked at Steve who carried her to the car. Bucky had gotten Nat into the car and Wanda had gotten Pepper in the car. Bucky hopped into the driver’s seat and Wanda sat in the front with her. That left the middle seats in the car for Steve and Y/N. He lifted her into a seat.  
“ _Chatted some more, one more drink at the bar. Then put Van on the jukebox, got up to dance_.” Y/N sang out loud and Wanda groaned. Nat and Pepper laughed and together with Y/N they sang out the chorus. “ _You know, she played her fiddle in an Irish band. But she fell in love with an English man._ ” Steve strapped Y/N in with the seatbelt and smiled at her. “ _Kissed her on the neck and then I took her by the hand. Said, ‘Baby, I just wanna dance’. With my pretty little Galway girl. You’re my pretty little Galway girl._ ” Steve walked around the car and sat down on the other side.   
“Sing ‘One’ next,” Pepper yelled and Nat nodded. That was all the encouragement Y/N needed.   
“ _Tell me that you’ll turned down the man._ ” Y/N starts to sing and she looks at Steve. He can’t keep his eyes off her. “Woman,” Pepper and Nat yell in the back.   
“ _Who asks for your hand ‘Cause you’re waiting for me._ ” Y/n continues to sing and she takes Steve’s hand in hers. Bucky mutters something in the front seat, but Steve ignores it. His focus is on Y/N and only her. Her hand in his, her voice and the happy smile on her face.  
“ _And I know, you’re gonna be away a while But I’ve got no plans at all to leave And would you take away my hopes and dreams? And just stay with me, ooh._ ” Steve sing quietly with Y/N as she sings. He knew that Bucky heard, but at the moment he did not care. Neither did he notice that Pepper was filming it all from the backseat. 

Halfway back to the compound the car got quiet. Y/N had stopped singing Ed Sheeran, but was still holding Steve’s hand. Pepper and Nat had fallen asleep in the backseat and Wanda in the front seat. Y/N looked out the window, still awake, but her blinking got slower and slower. He figured she would fall asleep soon. Steve saw Bucky glance in the rear-view mirror at times, but he was quiet even though he had a big smirk on his face. Steve was mostly looking at Y/N and enjoying being this close to her. Not that he knew if she would remember it in the morning.   
When Bucky parked in the garage at the compound Steve felt sad. He had wanted the car ride to go one forever, but Wanda jumped out of the car. She seemed happy to be home.   
Steve got out of the car and turned to Wanda.  
“I can get Pepper to her apartment,” Wanda yawned and turned to Bucky. “Can you take care of Nat? I think you are the only one that can handle her right now.” Bucky looked over at Y/N still sitting in the care awake and back to where Nat was sleeping in the back of the car.   
“Yeah, I can take care of Nat,” Bucky agreed. That left Steve with Y/N. Not that he minded, he just hoped she was okay that he helped her to her room.  
Steve went over to the side of the car that Y/N sat on. He opened the door and Y/N looked up at him.   
“Come on, sweetheart,” Steve held out his hand. “Time to go to your room.”  
“Iz agm ktoo tired pto walk,” Y/N mumbled and closed her eyes. Steve looked over at Wanda who had an amused smile on her face.  
“Either you walk yourself or I can carry you,” Steve tried and Y/N response was to lift her arms in the air. Steve frowned at her.  
“She wants you to carry her,” Bucky muttered from behind Steve.   
“Yeaph, please carvry me,” Y/N mumbled with a small smile on her face, still keeping her eyes closed. Steve took a deep breath and undid her seatbelt. Then he lifted her up. Apparently a tired drunk Y/n talked slurry, but before when she was still dancing and drunk she could sing full songs without slurring. Steve thought that was kind of cute. At least it was no problem understanding what she was saying.  
“Oh, look,” Pepper pushes Nat and wakes her up. “Steve is carrying Y/N like a bride,” Pepper sighs from the back seat. Steve blushes and looks down at Y/N, who does not seem to have a care in the world.   
“Just take her up to her room,” Bucky grumbles and Steve walks away from them.   
Halfway to Y/N room she opened her eyes and looked up at Steve.  
“You dons have to pmretend asny moer,” She whispered out with a shaky voice. “I casn madke my owgn way gto ym room.”  
“What are you talking about?” Steve stopped and looked down on her.  
“Iz won’t not going ot terll Bucks,” Y/N yawned and looked around. “I kow yuo haze mee.”  
“Y/N, I do not hate you,” Steve sighed and started to walk again. “I never have and I am sorry for all the things I have said and done.”  
“Mmh,” Y/N leaned her head against his shoulder again.   
“We will talk more about this when you are sober,” Steve smiled at her. “Even if it means you will yell at me.”  
“Thas finneee,” Y/N mumbled and her eyes dropped close. “Thak yuo foor tazing caare oof mee.” She added after a moment of silence.  
“I will always be here for you,” Steve whispered knowing she probably would not remember it the next day. They were outside her door and Steve opened. It felt wrong to be there again, but he needed to get Y/N to bed.  
“Ydou know you are very stroong,” Y/N mumbled against his chest. “an you rsmell gooddd.” Steve smiled at that. “Iz tjust wissh you werte less fo aa ejrk.” Steve sighed and walked over to her bed. He gently set her down on the bed and crouched down in front of her taking off her high heels. Y/n sighed and looked down at him.   
“I wizh yomu liketd me,” She smiled sadly and started to pull on her sipper in the back of the dress. Steve’s eyes went wide.   
“What are you doing?” He asked looking unsure. Ignoring the fact that she thought that he did not like her. That was something to talk about when she was sober and would remember.  
“I cs’ant sleep inz this thiqgh drezs,” she mumbled and continue to try and get the sipper down.  
“Yvou need to help pme,” she said after a while looking at him with big eyes. Steve swallowed and looked around.   
“Do you have any pyjamas to change into?” He asked and silently wishing that Bucky would not come in as Steve was going to help her undress.  
“Iqn thhe tiop drzawer,” Y/N pointed in the general direction of her two dressers. Steve opened the first and hoped it would be pyjamas. But it was lace bras. He blushed and closed the drawer quickly, then he opened the other top drawer. There were old t-shirts. When he lifted the first one he saw that it was one of his old t-shirts he thought he had lost. Why did Y/N have it?   
“Will this work?” He went over to Y/n and showed her.  
“Thas perfelct,” Y/n smiled and tried to stand up. Steve pleased the t-shirt on his shoulder and helped her up. He steadied her with one hand, or more like an arm as she was clinging to it as a koala and turned her around slightly. He then pulled down the sipper slowly. Not to be creepy he tried not to look at her body, but at her hair. Y/N got her arms out of the dress, but Steve did not let her pull it the whole way down. He put the t-shirt over her head and over her body, but did not let her put in her arms just yet. The bra came off next with a quick opening of the claps in the back. Steve heard it hit the floor and closed his eyes. Y/N was almost naked in front of him. It felt like a dream as well as a nightmare. Y/N put the arms in the t-shirt and shimmied out of the dress. Steve helped her sit down on the bed and picked up her dress and bra and placed them on a chair. He then went over to the bed again. Y/N was just sitting there looking at him.   
“zi dfon’t want to szleep,” She whined and yawned again.  
“You have to,” Steve helped her lay down in her bed so she got her body under the duvet.  
“iz gwant breakfaste,” She whined again and put a pouted with her mouth.   
“Y/N, if you go to bed now I will make you breakfast in the morning,” Steve whispers out.  
“Veen waffles?” She asked and lifted her head to look at him.   
“Yes, even waffles,” Steve promised and she sighs.  
“waffles maze mre hrappy,” She smiled and lay down her head on the pillow.   
“You deserve to be happy,” Steve whispered and kissed her cheek.  
“Yooo tou,” She said and closed her eyes.  
Steve looked down on her and pulled the duvet up so it covered her. She had already fallen asleep. He could stay there the whole night looking at her, but figured that it would be creepy.   
“Good Night, Sweetheart,” Steve whispered and kissed her forehead, before walking out of her room. When he had closed the door to her room he turned around and Bucky was leaning on the opposite wall.   
“You got it bad,” Bucky smirked and Steve swallowed hard.  
“Yeah,” Steve admitted and looked back on Y/N’s door. “I do.”  
“Fuck,” Bucky said and stood up straight. “I did not think you would admit it.”  
“There is no point in denying it,” Steve said and left his friend looking after him. Steve knew what he had to do and he needed to do it soon if he was going to have a chance with Y/N.

You are laying in bed wondering if you are dying. Apparently going out drinking with the girls had been both a good idea and a bad one at the same time. You did not even remember how you got home after getting too drunk the night before. But you were alone in your bed and not naked so that counted for something. You even had on your favourite sleeping t-shirt, an old t-shirt after Steve that you took from the laundry a couple of months ago when you moved into the compound. At least you had not taken a stranger home to try and deal with your conflicted feelings over Steve. You had seen how Bucky was with Steve the day before and knew that they were on their way to go back to normal. And you wanted that for Bucky, but at the same time you wondered what would happen between Steve and you.   
That was when you heard it. The light knocking on your door. You figured it would be one of the girls checking up on you so you slowly sat up trying not to puke. When the room had stopped spinning you walked slowly over to the door and opened it. On the floor was a tray with coffee, orange juice, a bowl of berries, aspirin and waffles. Waffles were the thing you always ate after a night out drinking or when you needed a pick-me-up. It was happy food. You almost cried out of the sheer happiness, because it meant you could stay in your room and eat breakfast. After taking the tray to your bed you saw that there was a not on the tray as well.

 _After the night you had, I figured you could need something to make you survive the morning._ ♡

You figured it must be either Nat, Wanda or Bucky who had made you the tray. Knowing Pepper she would already be in the office working hard and you could not see Tony making breakfast for you. Either way, you were happy that someone took care of you. You put the note on your bedside table to put somewhere safe later. After taking two aspirins and drinking some coffee you could feel the headache disappearing. During your breakfast, you smiled over at the notes a couple of times. You had to find out who gave you this breakfast so you could thank them. 

It was not until hours later when you were watching Gilmore Girls on your laptop that you remember that your box the day before had a note in it as well. You took the note on your bedside table and walked over to your dresser and pulled out the note you got with the box and saw that it was the same handwriting. It made you smile. It must be Bucky. You decided to find him later in the day after you binged Gilmore Girls for a few hours. Today you needed a day of rest and recuperation after your wild night out. 

  
A couple of hours later you meet Bucky in the hallway. He seems distracted.  
“Hey Bucky,” you greet him and smile.  
“Hey,” Bucky replies and is about to pass you.  
“I just wanted to thank you for my breakfast this morning as well as the gift box two days ago.” You smile at Bucky who stops, but his raised eyebrows told you that he was not the person behind this.  
“What?” Bucky said and you tilted your head. If it was not Bucky, then who? “What are you talking about?”   
“Two days ago there was a box outside my door with a lot of things like tea, books and chocolates as well as a note. And then this morning there was a tray outside my door with my preferable hangover food,” you explain. Bucky looks over your shoulder and smiles. Then he shrugs.  
“It was not me,” he smiles down at you. You sigh.  
“No, I got that from your face when I thanked you,” you say and cross your arms. “I wonder who it can be?” Bucky chuckles.  
“Maybe you should just let it be and enjoy the gifts,” Bucky shrugged again and walked away. You looked after him. Was he right? Should you just let it go? Since it was not Bucky maybe it was Wanda, Nat or Pepper. You did not feel like confronting them all, but maybe you could caught someone in the act of leaving things by your door if it happened again. But maybe it was a two time thing? It had been two days that you really needed what you had gotten. You decided to leave it be for now, but if you ever got the chance to look at your friends handwriting and compare with your notes, you would do that. 

The next morning there is a soft knock on your door again. Thinking that this time you would find out who it is that left you the box and the breakfast you run to the door, but when you open there is nobody there. But on the floor, there is a white envelope. You pick it up and walk over to your bed. When you open the letter and read the first sentence you know that the letter is from Steve and everything else disappears from your mind. You frown down on the letter and wonder if you should read it or toss it away. But something inside you makes you read it. 

_Dear Y/N,_

_I have started this letter for what feels like a thousand times, but seeing the paper crumpled in my waste basket I would say it is closer to a hundred. I am having a hard time what to say to you, how to apologize and how to make things right between us. I have screwed this up in the past by trusting google, but the last time I tried to apologize to you gave me the eyeopener I needed. As well as some strong words from a few of our friends._

_There are no words to tell you how sorry I am. That I hurt you, that I invaded your privacy and that I treated you so badly. I wish I could take it all back. Turn back the clock and make sure I did not do this to you again, but that is not possible. I asked Dr. Strange and he gave me a stern no._

This made you pause. Steve wanted to go back in time and fix things. He wanted to make things right from the beginning. It made a small smile appear on your face, but you tried to ignore it and got back to reading.

_That leaves me with the only option of writing you a letter. It was actually Bucky’s suggestion a few days ago. But I think he might have been joking. Since I don’t want to trap you in a conversation with me I figured that this was the best idea. I understand if you don’t want to read this letter. In fact, you might just throw it away, but I needed to try. I need to be honest with you. With all of it._

_To start when I met you in that grocery store so many years ago. You took my breath away with your smile. I felt like I had been struck by lightning and it was not until hours later that I figured out that you left in a hurry because of Sharon. And getting to know you by talking to you around Brooklyn was the highlight of me coming out of the ice and trying to navigate all the differences from what I was used to. You never treated me like anything other than Steve and I loved it. I was falling in love with you and when I saw you with Fury I started to wonder if you also been placed in my life to keep me safe. Sharon let it slip that she was not the only one in my life that was watching me. I figured you had to be the other person. I got so angry and while I forgave Sharon I had a problem doing the same to you, because I was falling for you and it all felt like a big lie. I started to ignore you and I treated you worse than anybody should ever be treated. When our paths crossed I took every chance to work against you and make your life hell. For that, I will always be sorry, more than you would ever know. But at every turn, you surprised me, not only by showing what an incredible woman you are but also by not letting me bring you down. By not dropping to my level. You always treated me good and never did anything bad to me. Every time you smiled at me or sassed at me I continued to fall for you. I could not help it._

This made you stop. He had been falling for you, as well, when you had met in Brooklyn. You had thought it was only you. And you had thought that he and Sharon had something going on since she had been all over him all the time. Even if it felt kind of icky that Steve would date Peggy’s niece. You tried to stop your racing heart by taking a couple of deep breaths. Then you continued to read on, curious of what Steve would have written next.

_Then when you became a part of the Avengers and seeing you every damn day. It was torture. I did not want to admit to myself that I was in love with you. I acted like a child and did not treat you with the respect you deserved. Then when I saw Bucky and you getting close I got jealous. It was a new feeling for me. I am used to Bucky getting all the girls before, but when I saw him with you I lost it. I told myself that there had to be a reason you would get close to Bucky. There had to be a reason you were always there when I turned around. And the secrecy with your box I just told myself that you must be Hydra, even when I did not believe it myself. I could not wrap my head around any other possibility._

_After I saw Bucky spin you around laughing and being happy in the library. That was what wrecked me. All the emotions going on inside me and I had no idea what to do about it. Then when I saw your door slightly open and the wooden box just standing there. I don’t really know what happened, but somehow I ended up in your room. When I saw the pictures my mind was trying to understand and all I could think was that you really were Hydra. Any other possibility flew out the window, but when I confronted you… I am going to be honest. I wanted to kiss you instead of accusing you. I wanted to take you into my arms. I wanted to hear what you were saying. But since I thought you were Buckys and just could not stop the words from coming out of me. I accused you of lying, of being Hydra. I saw what my words did to you but I could not take them back. After I left your room, I could not tell Bucky. I went to my room and looked at the photos I had taken. Deep inside me, I knew you were not Hydra, but I still went to Bucky. I have to tell you. Everyone believed in you and everyone was mad at me. I think Tony even thought about if there was a possibility to keep me out of the team._

This made you stop. His explanation was honest and felt raw. He was bearing himself for you in a way no man had ever done. You wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And the Avengers without Steve? What would that even look like? 

_When I understood the magnitude of my behaviour I tried to get help, but all I got from Tony was to make my apology as loud as my disrespect. I googled and it stood that flowers were a good apology. And you were right. It was not an apology. All I could think was that maybe I bought the wrong kind of flowers. Stupid, right?_

That part made you laugh. You liked flowers, even if sunflowers weren’t your favourite flower you would have accepted them if they were given to you for the right reason. 

_I used google as my tool to find a way to apologize. Wanda later told me how wrong that was and that I needed to be honest to you. And honest is what I am going to be. Here goes nothing._

_I am in love with you. I love the way you never back down. I love how you always have everyone’s back. I love your laugh, it lights up my day. I love the little cute pout you get on your moth when you are reading and a character in your book are being stupid. I love how you sing Ed Sheeran songs when you are drunk._

Wait what? How did Steve know that? You had only been drunk once since you moved here. Then it’s like a truck hits you straight on. A flashback of Steve lifting you down from a bench while you were singing ‘Shape of you’ and laughing at you singing. Then another flashback of Steve helping you to bed whispering soft words and the promise of breakfast in the morning. Was Steve the one that made you the tray of breakfast? You walked over to where you put the two notes you had gotten, first with the box you got on your mother’s death anniversary and then the one you got with the breakfast tray. You took them over to where you left the letter on your bed. It was Steve’s handwriting. He had done that for you. The feeling that was blooming in your chest was warm and kind of bubbling. You pick up the letter again and continue to read.

_I love how you take care of Bucky, even if he does not notice that you do it. How you tell him about Becca and her life. The pictures you show him and how you make him a part of her life. I love how you smile always makes me weak in the knees and the way you say my name, even when you are angry. I love the way you kind of walk into the kitchen in the morning as a zombie until you had your coffee. I love that you dance around the kitchen and sing when you think you are alone. I could continue to list a million little things that make me love you, but I don’t think I have enough paper._

_I know that this letter will not be enough for you to forgive me, but I hope it’s a start. Just know I am very sorry for everything and that I would do whatever I can to make you forgive me. And if there is never a chance of you ever reciprocating my feelings I still hope there is a chance that we can be friends._

_Forever yours,_

_Steve ♡_

You sat there in your bed wondering what to do still holding the letter. You reread it once. Then one more time. After the fifth time of rereading it, you still did not know what to do. So you left the letter on your bed and went to get ready for your day. Taking a shower and then halfway through getting dressed you walked over to the letter and read a section again. Then you continued to get dressed. All you could think was that you needed to talk to Steve. Even if you had no idea what to say to him.

You pick up the letter again and that is when you see it. A piece of paper still left in the envelope. You pull it out and open it. It was a sketch of you sitting in one of the windows in the library. Even the book cover is sketched so you can see that you are reading ‘Pride and Prejudice’. A book that you found in the library over a month ago and read in one sitting. One of your favorite books. That meant that this sketch was done a month ago. You did not even need to look in the right corner to see Steve’s name, because you knew he did this. Before he accused you of being Hydra, before everything had gone to hell. It only made you realise that the words he wrote in the letters were true. You were about to put the picture on your bedside table when you saw something written on the backside. 

_One word from you shall silence me forever. ♡_

A sentence that Mr. Darcy had told Lizzy before he professed his love for her again in the end of ‘Pride and Prejudice’. It made your heart beat faster. You needed to talk to Steve. You took the letter and the sketch with you and left your room to find Steve. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	8. Friends and moving forward

Out in the hallway, you saw Clint walking towards you.  
“Have you seen Steve?” you asked and Clint stopped before you.  
“He just finished his training so I think he will be in his room,” Clint smirked at you, but you ignored him. You walked to Steve’s room and knocked on the door.  
“A minute,” Steve’s voice called from inside and you stood there waiting. You started to get nervous and was thinking about walking away when Steve opened the door. Judging by the look on his face he did not think it would be you outside his door.  
“We need to talk,” you said and lifted the letter a bit up. Steve looked down on the letter and nodded.  
“I think we do,” Steve agreed and let you into his room. This was the first time you had ever been there and you took a look around. On the walls were old pictures from before mixed with new pictures of the team. Steve cleared his throat behind you.  
“This is awkward,” he said and walked over to his sofa. He gestured for you to sit down. That was when you saw the picture of you together with Nat and Wanda on his wall. As well as a couple of pictures of you alone. Steve follows your eyes and sees what you are looking at. He blushed and looked down on the floor.   
“I really thought this could not get more awkward,” he mumbled and scratched his neck.   
“You have really confused me,” you admitted and walked over to the sofa.  
“How?” Steve looks over at you.   
“You have been a jerk, then you try to apologize so bad that I start to wonder if you have never said that you are sorry before,” you sigh and sit down on the sofa. “And then you get me a box of things to get through one of my worst days, take care of me when I am drunk, make me breakfast and,” you lift the letter so he sees. “Writes this letter and gives me this beautiful sketch of me reading one of my favourite books.”  
“Hmm..” Steve looks at the letter. “I actually never thought you would read that.”   
“When I saw that it was from you I thought about not reading it, but I figured that you deserved one more chance,” You admit.   
“Thank you,” Steve said and his eyes were searching your face. Probably for a clue on how you felt after reading the letter.  
“And know that I am truly sorry,” Steve looks down on his hands. “I don’t know what to say or do to make it up to you.”  
“I think the letter explained everything pretty good,” You feel yourself blushing when you think about him seeing you so drunk. “But if you had talked to me from the beginning neither of these things would have happened. I would have told you when we were both living in Brooklyn that Bucky was my grandmother’s brother. I would have wanted to talk to you about memories and learnt to know Bucky through your stories.”  
“Why did you never tell me?” Steve looked at you again.  
“Because we always got interrupted when we talked,” You explained. “If it was not Sharon it was you going on a mission or I going on a mission. It was not something that I just could blurt out and then run off to do my job.” Steve nodded.   
“So if I would have talked to you,” He tilted his head.  
“Then I would have told you the truth,” You admitted and the two of you sat there in silence. You look down at the letter again.  
“Steve, I understand that you have feelings for me,” you bit your bottom lip. “But I… I don’t know how I feel about you. Not anymore. In Brooklyn, I would have loved to date you and I do feel a connection. But now.” Steve’s eyes met yours and he nodded. He knew what you were going to say.  
“I can’t just forget what you have said or how you have acted,” You moved some on the sofa. It was hard having this conversation.  
“I understand that,” Steve gave you a small smile.   
“But maybe we can start a new chapter,” You tilt your head to the side biting your lip.  
“A new chapter?” Steve looks at you hopeful.   
“Yeah, as friends and then see what happens,” You add, trying not to blush.   
“I like that,” Steve admits and smiles at you.   
“Friends?” you ask Steve and hand out your hand. He nods and takes it. Both of you ignore the fact that you hold on a bit longer to each other’s hand than normal.  
“You were never going to tell me that you were behind the gift basket or the breakfast where you?” you asked after a while. Steve let out a laugh and shook his head. His laugh was contagious and you chuckled.  
“No, I did not want it to seem that I was still trying to buy your forgiveness,” His smile made something happen in your stomach. Butterflies flying in your stomach. Something that you had not felt in a while. The two of you sit there and talk for hours. Steve talks about his childhood growing up with Bucky and you love that you get another side of the stories that Bucky has told you.

About one and a half month later:  
Steve and you have been spending a lot of time together since the letter and your talk. At first, it had been kind of awkward, since he had literally poured his heart out in front of you, but he seemed to understand that you needed time. He seemed happy to be just your friend. But it did not take long before he was not just your friend. Steve soon was your best friend. He was the one you went to when you needed to talk about nightmares, missing your family or Bucky being a bit too protective of you out in the field. Steve stepped up and showed you that he was serious and that he wanted to be your friend. He also showed you respect and the true side of himself. Slowly you started to understand that what your grandmother had told you about him was true. Steve was all you had been told and so much more. His smile made you weak in the knees, his laugh made your heart skip a beat and when he touched you sometimes you forgot to breathe. You had realised that you were still in love with him and that you wanted the two of you to have a future together. The problem you had was how to tell him. It was not like you could just kiss him one day. You needed to talk, but you kept getting distracted or unable to find the words when you were alone with him.

On Christmas Eve morning you walk into the kitchen to find Steve standing by the stove making pancakes. The sight makes your heart swell. All you wanted to do was go there and put your arms around him and hug him tight, but you could not do that. You were not together. You were friends and you kind of kick yourself because it was your fault. If you had just forgiven him instead of requesting time he would be your boyfriend. Steve was forgiven a long time ago and now you wanted to move on and move forward with him. At first, you had thought about writing him a letter, as he had done for you, but then you realised that that was kind of cowardly. This was a conversation the two of you needed to have in person, but alone. Since there was nobody besides Steve in the kitchen maybe now was the right time. You walk around the counter and Steve turns around.   
“What is that?” Steve pointed on your shirt.  
“It is a Christmas Sweater,” You looked down at your sweater. Was it something wrong with it? All you could see was the smiling Rudolf that had been calling your name when you saw it in the store you were Christmas shopping in a few weeks before.   
“I did not take you for the Christmas Sweater type,” He chuckled, but when he saw your face and the fact that you did not laugh with him he stopped.  
“Talk to me, Sweetheart,” Steve said and placed his hand under your chin and lifted it up so your eyes could meet his.   
“I haven’t had a Christmas Sweater in a couple of years. It was a family tradition with my parents to have on every Christmas Eve,” You meet his eyes even if it was hard. “But now I have a family again and that old tradition does not make me sad anymore.” Steve nodded.   
“You got one for me as well?” Steve smiled one of those soft smiles that made me weak in the knees. You bite your lips and nod.   
“And for Bucky,” you add.   
“Go get them,” Steve encourages you.   
“You don’t mind?” you ask, feeling a bit unsure. You had never talked about Christmas Sweaters with either Bucky or Steve.  
“No, I don’t mind,” Steve said and pressed a kiss to your forehead. You smiled at him and left the kitchen to get the sweaters. The compound was still quiet and you thought that maybe you would still have a chance to talk to Steve after you gave him the sweater, but when you got back into the kitchen Bucky was sitting at the counter. You felt a bit disappointed but when you handed Bucky his sweater and saw the teary smile he gave you, those feelings disappeared. You had made Steve and Bucky watch Home Alone and Home Alone 2 in the beginning of December and now Bucky went around saying “Merry Christmas you filthy animal”, so when you saw a green sweater with that wording on the front you knew you had to buy it for Bucky. He laughed when he saw what the sweater said and pulled it over his t-shirt.   
“Thank you,” Bucky got up and hugged you tight. Then he looked at the other sweater still in your hand.   
“What do you got there?” Bucky nodded towards it in your hands. You blushed a bit.   
“It’s another Christmas Sweater,” You answer and look over at Steve who was still cooking breakfast. Bucky looks from you over to Steve. You walk over to Steve and hand him his sweater. For Steve, you had gone more traditional with a deep blue sweater with white reindeers and some swirls and what not. Steve pulled on the sweater at once, just like Bucky then he looked down on you with a big smile on his face.  
“Thank you, sweetheart,” He was so close that you could almost feel his breath on your lips. Was he going to kiss you? “I love it.” He said and pressed a kiss to your check. The disappointment almost made you scream, but then you calmed yourself down. It was your fault. He was treating you with nothing but respect and doing what he promised. Being a friend. If you wanted to change that it was up to you. Steve would not do anything without knowing how you felt. Steve had turned back to the stove so you looked over at Bucky who had a big smirk on his face. He must have realised more than you thought about the Steve and you situation. Before you could say a word to Bucky the rest of the team started to come into the kitchen and you let it all drop. There were some comments on your Christmas sweatshirts and Sam had wondered if there when you said no and saw some sad faces you promised to fix it the next year.

After breakfast, you promised yourself that you would talk to Steve today and hopefully he still had feelings for you. Little did you know that it would be hard to get so much as a second alone with Steve during the day. Sam talked almost everyone into having a Christmas Movie Marathon. Before Steve had answered that he wanted to watch you had thought about suggesting Steve and you take a walk, but seeing Steve’s excited face about seeing Christmas Movies you decided to watch the movies as well. While Sam and Wanda were discussing what Christmas Movie to watch first, Steve took your hand and dragged you over to the sofa. He sat down and pulled you down beside him and then he put his arm around your shoulder. You leaned against him and breathed in that scent that was so much Steve. And you felt like home. Finally, Sam and Wanda decided that you should see Elf first.   
“That is one of my favourite Christmas Movies,” You said and smiled up at Steve.  
“I feel like you say that about almost every Christmas Movie,” Steve teased and you shrugged.   
“I love Christmas,” was all you said in response and Bucky looked over at the two of you and shook his head. During the movie, Sam, Wanda and you sang along in the songs and Steve just laughed at you. Bucky muttered something about not hearing the movie, but he smiled when he said it. Then Wanda turned on How The Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey and before you could say a word.   
“I know, it’s one of your favourites,” Steve smiled at you which made you push him a bit before cuddling in by his side again. After the Grinch Steve said he needed some air so you suggested that you take a walk. Sam, Bucky, Wanda and Nat agreed that was a great idea and once again a chance to talk to Steve alone disappeared. Everyone left to get dressed and meet by the doors.

After walking around in the winter wonderland for an hour you found yourself back at the compound. Wanda suggested making a snowman, which turned into one big snowman, about 9 feet tall. Having two super soldiers that could lift the heavy body parts helped. When you stood admiring the snowman you felt a snowball hit you in the back. You turned around to find a smiling Bucky. Steve, who apparently saw what happened, hit Bucky in the face with a snowball and then the snowball fight was on. You had not been in a snowball fight since you were in school and even then it had not been as fun as this. It was an all for one kind of snowball war, but you managed to avoid most snowballs, Sam had more problems, since he was usually going against the two super-soldiers. It seemed that both Steve and Bucky threw more snowballs at Sam than at any other team member, so you decided to help Sam. You decided to make a couple of snowballs to be prepared to go on the full attack on Steve, since you figured if you distracted Steve, Sam could handle Bucky on his own. After figuring out a plan to attack Steve, you looked around and saw that he was distracted.

Steve was looking at Bucky and Sam having a snowball fight almost by themselves. He crouched down and made a snowball, but he could not decide who he was going to throw it at. Bucky or Sam? He stood up and then he felt something hit his arm. A snowball. He looked around but could not see who had thrown it on him. Then the next one hit his other arm. He turned around in that direction, but there was nobody there. Someone was messing with him. Steve decided to throw the snowball on Bucky and that’s when a snowball hit his rear. And he heard it. Her laugh. Now he knew who was. Y/N. She clearly did not know what she had gotten herself in on. Gone where the thoughts of Sam and Bucky. Steve needed to get back at Y/N. He had a feeling that she was hiding behind a tree, but when he changed his position so he could see behind the tree she was not there. But another snowball hit his rear. Her laughter filled his ears again and it made him smile. Steve always loved the way her laugh filled him up and made him warm. That was when he saw her in the corner of his eye. She was sneaking to his left and his smile got a bit bigger. He took off and caught her by surprise by tackling her to the ground. They landed in a snowdrift and Y/N laughed even more.   
“I got you,” Steve smiled down at her face.   
“I can see that,” she answered and smiled up at him. His eyes found her and he could not stop staring at her. Steve could hardly breath looking down on her rosy cheeks and the snow in her hair. She was beautiful and all he wanted to do was to kiss her. That was when he got a snowball in the side of his face. He heard someone say “Oops”. Y/N started to laugh again.  
“You liked that?” Steve asked and she only nodded. He took a handful of snow and pressed it down the front of her jacked. Y/N yelled out at the cold and Steve chuckled. She licked her lips and started to try and get the snow out, but it was hard since Steve was still laying on top of her. Steve’s eyes were on her lips and once again he was thinking about kissing him.  
“Who wants hot chocolate?” Pepper yelled from the doorway. Everyone cheered and started to go back inside. Steve stood up and offered his hand to Y/N. The look on her face was hard to read, but she took his hand and he pulled her to her feet. She opened her jacket and the snow fell out. Steve took her hand and started to walk after the others.

You sat in the kitchen with everyone else getting warm again after the snowball fight. A thingel of disappointment was still in your body and mind. You had really thought that Steve was going to kiss you. Not once, but twice during the time he was on top of you. But it never happened. You looked down on the mug in your hands and then up at Steve. He was talking and laughing with Bucky and Sam. It was hard looking away from him. Nat elbowed you and you looked over at her, still half lost in thought. She moths “Are you okay?” You shrugged and looked down at your cup again. You missed how Nat looked over at Pepper and made a gesture against you and then did the same with Wanda.  
“Who is up for another Christmas movie?” Pepper asked and everyone was. You walked over to the sofa and sat down. Someone sat down beside you, but you did not look who it was. Tony put on The Polar Express. It made you giddy since it was one of your favourites.   
“Another one of your favourites?” Steve whispered in your ear and you nodded. So it was Steve who had sat down beside you. Once again he put his arm around you and pulled you close. It was hard to focus on the movie being this close to Steve and a lot of feelings and thoughts were spinning around your mind. But it was then and there you decided that you would wait to tell Steve how you feel. At least until after Christmas, you just wanted to enjoy being with your family and not wonder if Steve still loved you. And that is what you did. The whole day was spent together and no missions came up. Steve spent most of the day close by your side and it was nice.

Later that night you were tossing and turning in bed for over an hour, but sleep was not coming. So you decided to go up and make some hot chocolate. Thinking nobody else would be awake you put on a pair of fluffy socks and walked out in the hallway. It was quiet and you thought about the old Swedish poem that your grandmother used to read to you on Christmas. Only Santa is Awake by Victor Rydberg. Although when you walked into the kitchen you saw Steve standing by the window looking out and in his hands he had a cup that was steaming. You stopped and wondered if you should go back to your room, but decided to stay.  
“What are you doing up this late, Sweetheart?” Steve asked without turning around. How did he know it was you? Or did he call everyone Sweetheart?  
“I recognize the sound of your steps,” Steve said and turned around. He was about to take a sip from his cup but his hand stopped halfway to his mouth. His eyes were looking you up and down. That was when you realised you had not put on a rob or anything. Instead, you were standing in front of him in your PJs. More exact your Red Christmas PJs with dancing reindeers on the pants. And the Red top with Santa that said: Merry Christmas ya filthy animal. You cleared your throat.  
“I could not sleep,” You said to answer Steve’s question. “Why are you up?” It seemed to snap Steve out of whatever he was thinking.   
“The same thing,” Steve said and took a sip from his cup.   
“Trying to figure out what Santa has left you under the tree?” you tease him.  
“We both know that is more like Sam than me,” Steve winks at you. It was true. You laugh and walk around the counter to start making hot chocolate. Steve was quiet, but you could feel his eyes on you. It left a kind of tingling in your body. You hear Steve sit down at the counter, but you continue to make your hot chocolate. When you had poured yourself a cup you saw that you had done too much.   
“Want some?” you turned around and asked Steve. He looked down on his cup of tea and nodded. You poured another cup and handed it to him, before sitting down upside him at the counter. The silence was comfortable and you felt relaxed. You wondered if you should tell Steve how you felt, seeing as you did not think someone would interrupt you right now. But then you figured that if he still did not feel the same you did not want to be rejected on Christmas Eve.

Steve breaks the quiet after a few minutes. He started to talk about Christmas with his family, Bucky and Bucky’s family when they were younger. You hung on every word he said since you loved knowing more about it all. Hearing both about your grandmother and Bucky made you smile. You then shared stories about spending those rare Christmases with your parents when they were home on leave. After an hour of talking you could feel yourself yawning more and more.  
“Sweetheart, I think it is time to go to bed now,” Steve smiled at you and you nodded. You rinsed the cups and put them in the dishwasher and together you walked to leave the kitchen. Steve put his arms around your shoulder and told you he would walk you to your room.

Then all the sudden Steve stopped and stared up at the roof. His eyes were fixed on something, so you followed his sight and saw it. Both of you stood under a mistletoe. This is it. Now he had to kiss you and you could show him your feelings through a kiss and then you could talk about it. Talk about you being ready for more and hopefully, he still had feelings for you. You looked at Steve and finally, he looked at you. He leaned closer and your breath caught in your throat and it felt as if your heart was going to beat out of your chest. He was going to kiss you and your eyes closed. Then you felt it. His lips against your cheek. The disappointment screamed in your body. Again. You felt fooled. You opened your eyes and Steve smiled at you before he turned around and walked away.   
“I can’t believe this,” you groan. “I am in love with an idiot.” The last part just jumped out of your mouth without you meaning it to happen. Steve turned around on the support and looked at you.  
“Wait, what did you say?” You wanted to blush and look away, but you made yourself look at him and meet his eyes.   
“I said I can’t believe this,” you smiled at Steve who took a step back towards you.  
“No, after that,” Steve whispers out.  
“I am in love with an idiot,” You take a step closer to him.   
“You love me?” Steve wonders and takes another step closer. You were standing under the mistletoe again.  
“Do you see any other idiots around here?” You tilt your head feeling a bit more confident.  
Steve looked around the empty rooms and shocked his head.   
“Well, then..” Was all you got to say before Steve pulled you close and kissed you. It was good that he held you close or else you had been on the floor. His lips on yours were soft but at the same time demanding. You could feel your legs feeling like spaghetti and you put your arms around Steve’s neck. This made him pull you even closer to his body. His rock hard body. It feels like home. Steve stopped the kiss and smiled down at you.   
“You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that.” He said. You smiled at him.  
“Probably about as long as I have wanted to do this.” He kissed you again before lowering his forehead to yours.  
“I love you, Y/N,” He said and it made your heart beat faster.  
“I love you too, Steve,” You kissed him again and this time he took hold of your tights and lifted you up so you could wrap your legs around him. Steve broke the kiss and just looked at you.  
“I don’t want to rush this,” He almost whispered. “Let me take you out on a date and treat you the way you deserve.” You let out a mixture of a groan and a laugh. Steve was a gentleman.  
“Steve, I want this. I want you. I want us,” You pressed a kiss to his lips again. “I want you to take me out on a date, but I also don’t want to wait until we can go on a date.” Steve pressed a hungry kiss to your lips again.  
“You need to get some sleep,” He said and started to carry you to your room.  
“At least, stay the night with me,” You smiled and he looked down on you.  
“It was my plan,” He answered and kissed you again. “I don’t want to be away from you any more than necessary and this way I can wake up tomorrow looking at the best thing that has ever happened to me.” You blushed and together you fell down on your bed. The team was in for quite the surprise the next morning.


	9. Epilogue

On Christmas Day you woke up feeling warm and happy. It took a few seconds for you to realize that you were not alone in your bed and that you in fact were laying on Steve’s shoulder. When you opened your eyes you looked up in his beautiful face. He was still asleep so you took your time admiring him.  
“How long are you going to lay there staring at me?” Steve chuckled. You could feel your face heat up.  
“As long as you let me,” You answer and press a kiss to his shoulder. Steve opened his eyes and lifted his hand and caressed your check.  
“Forever,” Steve mumbled and you blushed. “I want you forever.”  
“Steve, we just got together yesterday,” You almost whispered. Steve chuckled and pulled you on top of him.  
“I do not see what that has to do with anything?” Steve pressed a kiss to your neck.  
“You can’t say things like that,” You tried not to melt by the kisses he was now giving your neck.  
“What if we don’t work. What if you fell out of love with me?” Steve stopped kissing you.  
“Never,” He looked you into his eyes and you could see the seriousness in them. You sigh.  
“What about Peggy?” you wondered out loud before you could stop yourself.  
“Not to be rude or anything to Peggy,” Steve said.  
“But what I felt for Peggy is nothing compared to what I feel for you.” Steve kissed your lips.  
“I know it is early, but if you let me, I would marry you tomorrow.” You blushed and opened your mouth to say something but not a word came out.  
“You don’t need to say anything,” Steve smiled. “I just wanted you to know. I want this. I want you. I want us.”  
“Us,” you smiled. “I like the sound of that.” Steve kissed you again and that was the moment that there was a knock on the door.  
“Come on, Y/N. Get up,” Sam yelled outside the door. “It’s time to open presents.” Steve lifted a brow and looked at you.  
“I just need to get ready first,” you yelled at Sam and then you hear him walk away from outside his door.  
“Do you think he knows I am in here?” Steve lifter a brow. You shake your head.  
“Then he would have called for the both of us,” you kiss Steve again. Then you lift your head a bit and look down on Steve who was still under you.  
“What should we tell them?”  
“Tell who?” Steve asks you.  
“Who? The people waiting for us right now?” You narrow your eyes.  
“How about not saying nothing?” Steve suggested, pulling you down towards him again. But you were resisting.  
“Darling, they are all trained agents and spies.” Steve winks at you when he says this.  
“You want to see how long it takes them to understand?” You giggle.  
“No,” Steve rolled you over so he was on top. “I don’t care when they find out. All I care about is you.” He kissed you and you forgot all what you were talking about.  
  
Almost an hour later, Steve and you left your room, the both of you still dressed in pj’s. Steve took your hand in his and together you walked towards the tree in the living room. When you walked into the room Bucky was the first one that saw you. The smile on his face was so big. He was happy for you. For the both of you. Nat pushed Wanda lightly in the side and the both of them high fived. Then Nat winked at you. Sam looked from you to Steve and down on your connected hands.  
“I knew it,” Sam jumped up and down. “I knew it.”  
“Wait, does this mean you were together in Y/N room,” Sam narrowed his eyes on the two of you. Steve’s smile got bigger and you shrugged. Tony cleared his throat.  
“Maybe we should open out Christmas Presents?” He suggested and everyone agreed. You stood looking at your family feeling happy. You felt someone looking at you and when you turned your head you found Steve looking at you. It made you warm inside and in his hands, he had a present. He walked over to you and handed it to you. It was a red wrapping paper with golden reindeers on it. The tag was gold and it said: “Merry Christmas Y/N from Steve”.  
“Open it,” Steve urged you and you slowly started to open it. Inside was a deep blue jewellery box. You carefully put the paper and tag away, knowing that you wanted to put it in a box for memories. Then you slowly opened the lid of the box and a gasp left your mouth because of what was inside. A was a white gold charm bracelet with 6 charms. The Brooklyn Bridge, a heart with your parent's name in it, a book, a heart with your grandparent's name in it, a Fenix and a book. You fingered the heart with your parent's name in it.  
“Steve,” you got out after a while.  
“Is something wrong?” Steve asked and looked down on the bracelet with a slight frown. “You don’t like it.” He rubbed his neck.  
“I love it,” you said and pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth.  
“Then what..” Steve started to say, but you interrupted him.  
“We were not together yet when you got this,” you tilted your head to the side.  
“So?” he winked at you.  
“So, this is a bit much for a friend,” You persisted.  
“You have never been just a friend,” Steve shrugged, ignoring the fact that everyone was looking at you. He took the bracelet out of the box and put it on your wrist. “I knew I would get you to fall in love with me somehow. Get you to forgive me. Even if it took me until my dying day.”  
“Oh, Steve,” you pressed your hand to our mouth. “I love you.”  
“I know,” he winked before he pulled you towards him and kissed you. A hungry kiss filled with love. You knew that the rest of the Avengers were looking at the two of you, but you did not care.  
  
  
A few days later it was time for Tony’s big New Year's Eve party. A lot of people were going to be there, and even though you rather spend the night alone with Steve watching movies and just being together, you had promised Tony and Pepper you were going to be there. You took time that evening to get dressed. Pepper had helped you buy the perfect dress for the night and Wanda and Nat helped you with your hair and make-up. They then left you to get dressed alone. You looked down at your nails that you had painted sparkly black at lunch. They still looked great, which was not usual for you since they often got chipped during missions. You looked over at your night blue dress with sparkles that hung in your closet. It was beautiful and you wondered what Steve would think about it, but knew that you would probably not find out until it was the new year. Since Steve and your relationship was so fresh, the two of you had decided that you were going to keep it secret for the world a bit longer. This to stop all the scrutinizing that your relationship would get from the press. The team understood and supported your decision. But right now it sucked since you knew that you would need to spend the night not touching Steve, unless the two of you were dancing.  
Walking into the party and seeing Steve, you realised it also meant you having to see other women flirt with him believing he was single. A tall brunette was currently flirting with him and you looked away. Bucky walked over to you, but before he was by your side a man walked over to you and asked for a dance. Since you did not want to look at the women flirting with Steve you accepted. The man walked you to the dancefloor and you saw Bucky’s shake to his head. Apparently, he did not approve, but you did not care. You could feel eyes on you and then you saw it. Steve standing together with Sam and Bucky. Neither of them looked happy, but the heat in Steve’s eyes made you shudder. It took a while for you to understand that he was jealous. He did not like you dancing with another man. When the dance was finished you thanked the man and turned down the question for another dance. Instead, you walked over to the bar where Nat and Bruce were talking. You could still feel Steve’s eyes on you as you accepted a glass of champagne from the bartender that winked at you. Nat looked for you over to Steve before she smiled big at you.  
“I did not think that Steve was going to be the one that was jealous,” She almost giggled and you looked over at Steve. You raised an eyebrow when you saw his face looking like stone. You lifted your glass in a toast and took a sip. From where you stood you could see him swallow and then a small smile appeared on his lips when you bit your bottom lip. You winked at him and turned back to Nat.  
“I know,” You agreed and someone cleared his throat behind you. You turned around and there was a blond man. He asked you for a dance, but he was interrupted by Tony,  
“Actually, Y/N promised me this dance,” Tony smiled and the man paled.  
“Of course, Mr Stark,” He said and walked away. You handed Nat your glass and walked out on the dancefloor with Tony,  
“I don’t recall promising you any dance, Tony” you smiled at him. He just laughed and turned so you could see Steve still standing with Bucky and Sam.  
“I am doing this so Steve starts a fight with any of my guests,” Tony chuckled. You nodded and smiled at Steve who seemed more relaxed now that you were dancing with Tony.  
“Yeah, he seemed a bit jealous earlier,” you agreed and the two of you continued to dance together. Then you danced with Sam, Bruce, Bucky, Dr Strange. Clint and finally Steve. He held you close and you could feel his heat through your clothes.  
“You look absolutely breathtaking,” Steve whispered and you felt your breath caught in your throat when you saw the heat in his eyes.  
“You look good enough to eat,” You whispered back and saw how his eyes widened. It made you smile and you talked yourself out of pulling him closer to kiss him.  
“I don’t like you dancing with strange men,” Steve whispered after a minute of you dancing in silent.  
“I know that now,” You looked up in Steve’s eyes fighting the need to kiss him there on the dance floor in front of everyone.  
“I got jealous,” Steve mumbled.  
“You don’t say,” you teased him. “I could not tell.” Steve left out a sound between a growl and a chuckled. It made you giggle.  
“You know I only have eyes for you,” you whispered and looked into his eyes again.  
“I know,” Steve whispered. “And I only have eyes for you.” One dance turned into two, that turned into three. And then you could not say who long the two of you had been dancing. Tony cut the music and said it was five minutes to the stroke of midnight and waiters came with trays of champagne.  
“Want to get out of here?” You asked and nodded towards a door out to a smaller balcony. Steve nodded and grabbed two glasses and together you walked out of the room. Nat saw you and winked at you. Out in the crisp air, Steve put the glasses down on the railing and looked behind you. People could see you if they looked out so Steve pulled you into the shadows and into his body then he kissed you, long and hungry. You put your arms around his shoulders and pressed yourself closer.  
“I don’t remember if I have said this tonight,” He said and put his forehead against yours. “But I love you.”  
“I love you too, Steve,” You said and smiled so big your face almost hurt. As you did every time you spent time with Steve.  
“I don’t know how much longer I can keep this a secret from the rest of the world,” Steve sighed and pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth. Then the countdown started from the party and Steve started to count with them.  
“Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two.” Instead of saying one he pulled you close and kissed you instead. Not that you minded kissing him back with all you got. Fireworks started to go off around you, but you ignored it. You could not imagine anything better than starting the new year kissing the love of your life. Steve pulled away to get air.  
“Happy New Year, Darling,” Steve said and you smiled.  
“Happy New Year, Steve.” He pulled you close again.  
  
  
The next morning the team was eating a late breakfast in the kitchen talking about the party the day before when Pepper came into the room. “Have anybody looked at Instagram today?” She wondered and looked over at you and Steve who were practically sitting in the same chair. “No,” Everyone said when she opened her tablet and showed an Instagram post from Peoples feed.

“Oh,” was all that you could say. Steve tightened his grip around your hip.  
“So that was where the two of you disappeared to,” Tony nodded looking at the picture. Everyone but Steve and you laughed.  
“I guess you got your wish,” You looked over at Steve who just smiled.  
“I guess I did,” He nodded and picked up his phone. You did the same.  
“Nat, Could I get the picture you took of Steve and me a few days ago,” You looked at Nat who nodded. Your phone vibrated in your hand and you opened the picture and showed Steve. He looked at it and nodded and then you opened Instagram and quickly wrote an Instagram post and posted it. Steve looked over at Bucky.  
“Buck, the pic from our walk the other day.” Steve said and Bucky nodded. “Could I get it?”  
“Sure,” Bucky said and sent it to Steve, who then showed you the picture. You nodded and Steve started to write his post. He made you check it a couple of times so he did it right. But your and Steve’s phone started to blow up so you turned them off and continued to eat your breakfast.  
“So what did you post?” Tony asked after a while and you shrugged. Tony sighed and reached for your phone when Pepper pulled the posts up on Instagram on the tablet and it got handed around the table. Steve and you continued to eat and ignore the “Aww” and “oh” that were sounding around the table.  
Then the two of you got the tablet and you looked at your posts.

“I love you,” Steve pulled you closer and kissed you.  
“Hey, we are eating here,” Sam whined, but was quickly silent but a kick from Nat.  
“I love you too,” You said to Steve when you broke the kiss to get some air. Ignoring your family around you.  
“Want to go to my room?” You winked at Steve and he stood up. Lifted you to your feet and you left your family laughing after the two of you. You did not care. You were happier than you have been in years. And when Steve pulled you close outside your door and kissed you with a lot of heat. You knew that you had found your home and the love of your life.

THE END


End file.
